Well, I thought is was funny
Seriously, though, I can see how there are differences... mainly, if there're two relationships going on, "student/teacher" and "child/parent" are fairly compatible... the obligations from each relationship might be tugging in different directions, but I don't think they'd really be "conflicting". In both cases, the teacher/parent does what's right/in the best interest of the student/child, and the student/child deals with it.
When it's a romantic relationship, it's supposed to be two peers on even ground. Sometimes you have to respect what your partner chooses, even if you think it's the wrong choice. That's where a "conflict of interests" comes in- as a teacher, you have the authority and the responsibility to overrule your student if necessary; as a partner, you can talk it through but ultimately your partner decides. If the line between being "the teacher" and being "the partner" gets blurred, even a little, it could be a huge problem.
In the same way, as a student, I respect and defer to my teachers(& other faculty at my school)... if that ever spilled over, even a little, into a partnership, I wouldn't be advocating for myself the way I need to.
(Let's just pause here for a minute... I'd like a cookie, and if that sounded "very mature" and "maybe you really have thought this through" I'd love to hear some encouragement.
Okay, moving on now.)
What do we do about this? If we start a relationship, and if we decide we want to go about it "the right way" by informing the college... how should we react to the poly-hurdle?
I don't know how this works... do they give "special permission" to allow the relationship, or is it already our right to pursue a relationship, and informing the college is the proper way to cover our bums?
If they don't have veto power to begin with, I can't imagine them having veto power because it's extramarital. I can imagine them doing everything they could to stand in our way, but in theory we would have the upper hand, right?
Right! Serious issue to deal with here. Right.
No, I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be the cause of that, I don't want it to happen, I don't even want to risk it. I want to do this the right way. I believe that we have every right to pursue this relationship, and I'm willing to jump through whatever hoops are necessary to have it recognized as such. Of course, if A & E want any sense of privacy, that'll limit the options some, but I'll let them reign me in when we talk this through.
I guess the problem comes when we have to compromise... between privacy and advocacy, between doing the accepted thing and doing what we want, between the practical thing and the right thing... possibly between doing what I want, and what A wants, and what E wants, although hopefully we'll be close to the same page...
I don't know, I don't know where I'd draw the line. On any of it. But I swear up and down that I'm trying to figure it out, that I won't just throw the consequences out the window.
Anyhow, that is the more frustrating part right now- still not knowing if this is all in my head. I know all this other stuff is important... but it's not such a big deal, if someones love me All this advice is definitely part of the process, but in the end I'm sure we'll figure it out.
Omnisexual. (I am attracted to males, females, and any variation/in-between/lack thereof, but I am not "gender blind" which most pansexuals describe themselves as.)
Overuses smiley faces.
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|infatuation, love, newbie, nre, power imbalance, teacher (eep!)|