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Old 05-23-2012, 05:32 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Oh dear, Phy. I'm sorry your mother is reacting in such a way and stressing you out. The only two things I could think of while reading your posts are:

1.) She is in shock. People in shock do and say strange things they wouldn't normally say. She is trying to cope with seeing that the truth of a situation is different from what she thought it was. It's like the pictures that have been hanging on the wall for years have been ripped down and something unfamiliar has replaced them.

Her mind had you and Sward and Lin in certain compartments, as we all have brains that categorize in order to understand what we see. So, now the compartments are different, it is like her brain has to shuffle things around and re-order everything. It is confusing, so she is trying to rationalize and is blaming you, but doing that is a fine line away from criticizing herself - because she raised you and taught you, so why didn't it stick? Why don't you know better? What did she do wrong?

My sense is that this is just a stage she is going through while processing the shock, and things will eventually be civil between you again.

I think, once she has calmed down a bit, it will do her good for Sward to go and talk to her, very gently and compassionately, to reassure her that he is happy and that you three consider each other a family. He should tell her that it was his choice as much as yours to live the way you do. I think that will soften her.

2.) Regarding the appearance in your community, I think all you have to do is remind her, "Have you ever seen us do anything to bring you shame in front of your friends? Have we ever conducted ourselves in any undignified or disrespectful way? Have you ever seen us do something that you need to worry about? We are still the same people who love you and care about you, and the fact that we have an unconventional life does not change that."
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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