Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 05-22-2012, 02:28 AM
PossiblyPoly PossiblyPoly is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 10
Default Teacher & Protector

Basic situation:
My husband (G) and I have been married 10yrs. Recently, he's come to me with a proposition. A female friend of his (C), is going through a particularly rough patch in her life. Mostly involving her current relationship with her boyfriend who is a good friend of G's.
Her relationship is looking like it's on the downswing. G has been trying to counsel them, as they are going through a very similar situation as he and I had 5yrs ago.
Last month, he visited them for about a week and spent time with both C and her boyfriend in an attempt to get them to see the other's side of the situation. C is at her wits end and her boyfriend doesn't seem to be capable or willing to fix the issue.
Upon his return, G confides his concerns to me. He's really gotten to know C better and is heartbroken for her. She deserves someone that will make her feel important and loved. He wants to show her how its supposed to be. He feels protective of her and wants to make her happy.
His question to me was, How would I feel about bringing her into our home?
He admitted to finding her attractive and that sex would be part of the situation.
I found myself open to the idea. His obvious concern for her happiness went a long way to aleviating any feelings of jealousy over his wanting someone else. If he had asked for simply a girlfriend, my answer would have been an immediate 'no'.
I considered our marriage monogamous and had intended to keep it that way.
However, this situation has caused me to re-evaluate that.
This protector attitude of my husband's is something we have in common. If we could open our home and family to C and bring her into our happiness, I would like to try.
My reservations are that while I'm less bothered by him having sex with another woman, I'm still ...... wary.
The other issue is that I am currently 7mos pregnant with our second child. As C has yet to decide if she wants to continue to try with her current boyfriend or not, I'm sure I'll have delivered this baby and she'll be at least a few months old before this proposition could become a reality. My feeling however, is that the idea of C having my husband's child brings up some very territorial feelings.
I don't know if its a sign that I'm not as okay with this as I think or if its just a limit to my ability to share. (Maybe that's the same thing?)
As if, I'm okay to share my home, my affection, my husband, but not my children?
At this time, she says she does not want any kids. However, she's young (23) and I certainly would not blame her for changing her mind later. Also, my husband is considering a vasectomy as he does not want any more children. So perhaps, this may be a moot issue.
We've also spoken about the possibility that C may, after being with us for a while, find someone else she wants to be with. We aren't looking to continue to add and so would release C from us. Perhaps that would be the avenue she would use to have children of her own. Though a part of me feels like thats not entirely fair to her.
Has anyone else been in remotely this possition? Or at least had these feelings?

Last edited by PossiblyPoly; 05-22-2012 at 02:34 AM.
Reply With Quote

dependence, father figure, living together, moving in, predator, pregnancy, rescue fantasy, secondaries, secondary, unicorn, unicorns, white knight

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 09:53 AM.