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  #211  
Old 04-26-2012, 11:52 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Well, it might not technically be a Relationship yet, but when I read your post about feeling restless and not knowing what to say or how often to contact him, I thought of that euphoric feeling when you start seeing someone and it's all deliciously tingly yet angsty and the same time. That crazy feeling of wanting to know if someone you like, likes you back the same way - limerence, I guess, would be more accurate, or maybe infatuation. I don't usually use the term NRE so maybe I had it mixed up with limerence.

I thought it was cute on you, anyway! Sorry!
No no, I don't mind you guys teasing me about this. I do feel like a schoolgirl with a crush and I don't blame you for pointing that out. I guess the mention of NRE just made all this sound so.. serious? And I just don't want to get ahead of things when I have no idea what's going to happen. I think the word relationship is really getting to me because that is exactly what we don't and won't have. I just keep picturing him reading these messages and running away after reading about all this relationship-y stuff. He's not poly, he's in an open relationship, so I don't even know if he is "allowed" to develop/express feelings for other people. He might just want to have sex with me a few times and that's that.

... Although he just confirmed that he is coming to the party we're having soon. Yey! That must mean he is willing to also see me with my clothes on.
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  #212  
Old 04-27-2012, 04:41 PM
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Okay, I've spent almost my whole day today talking to people, mainly about relationships. First me and rory spoke about 7 hours on skype and then I chatted with Bob for a while. I made some pretty big realisations when talking to rory about my relationships and the future. We talked about our expectations for the time when we both live in the same city. Obviously our thoughts and situations can change a lot before that happens but I'm glad we got somewhere with that.

And then Bob. I feel much better now, not nearly as restless as before. He said he considers an open relationship to be open for feelings, too. And that he's never been in a poly relationship but who knows about the future. He seems very open to everything that might happen in life. There are no strict rules in his relationship, I was glad to hear that. All this made me feel.. peaceful. I still don't know if anything more will actually happen between us or how he feels about me, but somehow I feel glad that whatever form this takes, it's only restricted by us and what we want.
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  #213  
Old 04-30-2012, 06:58 PM
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I'll write a bit about what Mya and I talked about for the future, once all of us are in the same city (in a couple of years). Earlier we've thought that maybe it would work best to have a sleeping schedule of about two nights a week for me and Mya sleeping together (plus some time spent awake, obviously, but we feel that's more flexible). Now we were talking about how we both feel two set nights somewhat restraining. However, talking about it in more detail we realised the feeling came from expecting those nights to be quality time and prioritised over much else.

Neither of us subscribes to comparison of relationships, and I've let go of the whole aim of fairness/equality (replacing it with whatever everybody truly wants). Yet, somehow, in the sleeping schedule thing there remained a bit of that. Originally, I was the one who suggested that I would want 5 nights with Alec and 2 with Mya (due to differences in relationships and ways of keeping connected), and she was understanding of that. Somehow I felt like since "we only get those two nights" they must be something more spectacular. Sort of making up for it.

But that is not the reality, and that is not what either of us wants. Oh, we do look forward to having more time together in person, both quality and..what's the opposite? Routine? We will make time for each other, but having set evenings/nights for quality time is too restrictive. Who knows if one of us is in quality-time-mode on that specific time? And what about other things in life, friends, hobbies? Can't there ever be an event scheduled for "our night"? Or if there is, will we reschedule our night for the next night? Suddenly those descriptions people have about poly being a scheduling nightmare seem to be awaiting us.

However, that is not what either of us wants. We want flexibility. We want routine. So, right now the thought is something like this: we'll have two routine sleepovers. If that night happens to be a night with loads of evening time before it and talking and sex and intimacy, that's cool. If that night happens to be the night I'm tired and antisocial, that's cool. If that night happens to be the night on the town with a friend for one of us, leaving us only couple of hours or none together, that's cool. Those things are life. And we don't want to prioritise each other above other things in life (just as we won't prioritise other things in life above each other), and we don't want the pressure that is created if our time always is expected to be quality time. This is to last, this is for life. Let it be life.
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  #214  
Old 04-30-2012, 07:20 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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What about:
at LEAST 2 days with Mya
at LEAST 3-4 days with Alec
and the remaining time will be spent as the situation and mood demands. Give yourself a little bit more flexibility.
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  #215  
Old 05-01-2012, 03:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
What about:
at LEAST 2 days with Mya
at LEAST 3-4 days with Alec
and the remaining time will be spent as the situation and mood demands. Give yourself a little bit more flexibility.
I can see where you're coming from but I think we've already agreed on flexibility. The only thing that wouldn't change often is that me and rory get those 2 nights every week. Those are the routine nights but obviously there can be weeks we'd have more, it all depends on the situation. But the thing is that in the long run rory and Alec's relationship needs more nights together than 3 a week. I would think 4 would be okay on some weeks but 5 is probably best for them. And like rory mentioned, we can well see each other as many times a week as we like, even every day if we want to (if we get to live as close to each other as we wish). It was the nights that we were talking about, the sleep-next-to-each-other-time. That's important to rory and Alec. I wouldn't want to see their relationship not getting what it needs to flourish when ours can do well with the aforementioned 2 nights a week.

Then to another topic. The party I mentioned earlier went really well! We had a blast. JJ and Bob got along well, there was absolutely no weirdness around anything. Also, the female friend JJ had sex with - you know the case - she was there too. I have no issue with her, it was JJ who broke our agreement about the safe sex and she is, and always has been, very nice to me. So that went great too, I talked to her a lot. We're also going to her bithday party next month. So yeah, the party was a success.
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  #216  
Old 05-03-2012, 11:25 AM
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I have two friends that have been living abroad for a long time and they are coming here in a few days to spend the summer in their/our home country. I'm so happy about that! That's actually one of my biggest reasons to stay here until the end of summer now that I know JJ isn't coming with me in September. So, one of these friends doesn't have a place to stay yet so she's going to live with us until she finds an apartment for the summer. We (me and JJ) are moving in a couple of weeks ourselves so this arrangement is going to be very temporary. But I like this plan. Remember all the talk about hippie commune and living with friends? I get to do that for a tiny while now, great! And also, since this friend of mine doesn't know yet where she wants to move next (but she knows it's not going to be our home town, she's here only for the summer), she is now considering Dream City as well! I would be so excited and happy if she came along with me in September/end of August and maybe we could even be roommates in Dream City. That would be amazing. I try not to get my hopes up, but inside I'm really hoping this is going to happen. But anyway, whatever happens in September, I'm going to enjoy her company a lot now that she's here.
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  #217  
Old 05-09-2012, 12:02 PM
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SNeacail thanks for your comment. I'm not dead set on the schedule we've been thinking about, and I feel that we'll just see how it goes once we're there. It's nice to have some idea, though. I do like to aim for flexibility, anyway.

----

I finished with studying a while back, and have since been taking well-earned rest. I've now started to look for work in earnest. I'm both hopeful and nervous at the possibility of getting a job. I haven't really been to a job interview in... um, four years or something (I've been working at the same place). And never in this country, which is a bit scary. On the other hand, having no money is also scary.

Luckily I managed to land a part-time voluntary position, which will start in a couple of weeks and last for about six months. I'm happy about that, since no matter how much I like to have time for myself, I do think the possibility of having nothing to do for the whole summer would be making me batty right now.

I made a plan with Alec to talk about sex every week. There's a reminder about it in his phone. I feel that our sex life needs regular discussions for maintenance, and those don't seem to happen on their own, so now we're trying this. I'm very happy about this plan.
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  #218  
Old 05-12-2012, 05:28 PM
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I really miss rory right now. It's been a month since we saw each other the last time and it's going to be another month before we get to meet again. This is an exceptionally long time between visits but that's how it is now. I'm going on holiday with friends this month and I can't afford to fly twice a month. I'd love to just be close to her and touch her. I can't wait for the time when we live in the same country and get to see each other more often!

I've spent a lot of time with the friend I mentioned in my last post. We've been having a blast! I'm so glad she's here now and I get to spend time with her. I've also worked a lot so this week has been quite intense and busy.

I think I can now call Bob my FWB since it's becoming quite clear that our "benefit" encounters are going to continue. We had a good conversation yesterday when I went to his place and we both feel good about this, whatever this is. It's working well and I think both of us are in the same place with our expectations - or actually the lack of expectations. It's not going to be fun to end the physical side of our friendship when we move to different places in a few months, but that's life. I've decided to enjoy the moment and not worry too much about the future. Wish me luck.
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Last edited by Mya; 05-12-2012 at 05:32 PM.
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  #219  
Old 05-14-2012, 07:10 AM
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I feel the same way about missing Mya. A month feels like a throughoutly long time. The time since Paris has went by quite fast, but at the moment it is crawling (for me the reason is very possibly that I don't yet have a job). Anyway, I'm determined not to be focused on that. We have a skype date soon, that should be fun.

I had a really wonderful weekend. I skyped with Mya and a friend of mine, so I feel quite social. I also spent a lot of time with Alec, we gamed together and did other things, it was lovely. I did have quite adequate time for myself, as well, and I read a book.

I haven't spend much time on the Internet lately, and I'm thinking I'll take even more off. Not a total break, but I will attempt to only spend my time on things that give more than they take. I will definitely be visiting the journal section on this forum, and perhaps the general discussions. However, I think I'll skip reading poly stuff elsewhere for a while. When first becoming poly, I found so many useful and interesting things, but lately I've felt like I'm putting energy into things that aren't giving as much. First I got huge practical use out of what I read and processed, but now I feel that I've internalised most of what I feel is beneficial, and I want to concentrate on living only. I guess I'm polysaturated in relation to information at the moment.
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  #220  
Old 05-21-2012, 08:45 AM
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"I feel glad that whatever form this takes, it's only restricted by us and what we want." - I really like this feeling when I'm relating to someone

Ah, the missing. I feel your pain For us, hopefully will be just under a year before we're all back in the same city again.

Hang in there x
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