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  #1321  
Old 05-13-2012, 07:21 AM
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I had the most awesome week of dates and lovin'. Made me very happy and feel complete and in my groove again. The date I had on Thursday went swimmingly. I thought the guy was amazing and we were so compatible. He and I talked for hours over a plate of nachos that we barely touched. He is so on the same wavelength to me about communication, dating outside of his marriage, finding like minded people and creating family. He was so interested in my burlesque and listened while I told him all the ins and outs. He had wanted to come to my show last week but thought it might be rude to show up without my knowing and premature to ask without having met first. He was fit/active, warm, friendly, positive, spoke lovingly about everyone in his life, was dressed nicely, smelled good, showed emotion and vulnerability yet was confident and secure in himself and had a balanced life in all areas. I can see that he has potential to be someone in my life. I found him very attractive on so many levels.

Trouble is the time thing.... ya know? Ya, sucks. We are meeting again in two weeks, but he already wants to meet this week for lunch. I would meet him as much as possible if I could, but time does not allow. I am spending time with my friend too and of course my loves. There is just not enough me to go around. There is enough love, but not time.

This past weekend I had a singing gig and my new friend went along to see me. My parents went also and after there was a awkward moment of who would drive me home. My mum decided that he should, eventually, but was concerned that I might not be okay. She doesn't know him well. I was more than okay. I was taken out for drinks and we had a long chat about where things are going. I am very fond of this man and could easily see myself involved with him more. I just don't think that it will go that way. I see him involved with someone that can spend time with him and be there for him more. I will be very protective when some one comes along though, I don't deny that. I don't see that happening soon as things with his ex are still being processed and he needs a good long time to heal and re-focus his life on being his own primary.Who knows, maybe then things will be more clear, but for now we show each other affection and keep having moments of time together that make us connected and glad to be in each others life.

Mono seems to be filled with compersion. I don't get it. I look at him sideways and wait for the other shoe to drop. Some how his view on things has totally changed since Leo and I broke up. He won't tell me why yet, but I am just enjoying his comfort.

My ex wife came over today. I haven't seen her since I went to Vegas with her. She is a breath of fresh air... she gave me a long massage for my achy back after the show last weekend where I got thrown around lots in a Mexican wrestling number and after my parents treacherous move of agony from their house to a condo... Then we gardened. LB helped us buy the plants and put them in pots, and we planned the veggies but didn't get them in the ground. While we planted the men, including my new friend, painted the deck. It felt good to be together doing things. After we washed up and went to dinner with LovingRadiance! So much fun. She's a really great lady and I liked her company immensely. She is leaving tomorrow already unfortunately.

After this next weekend I have a show in a neighboring city, a birthday weekend at my parents place on a neighboring island... and then I am filling the calender with dates and time to costume for a couple of months. And some me time! Oh, ya, and trying to get the camper van on the road so I can leave to have me time. Maybe spend some time at my parents place on the island for me time too. I will try to book some time to do these things alone... chances are someone will come along.
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  #1322  
Old 05-13-2012, 07:24 AM
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Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
I'm hoping to make it over there... depends on what life throws me in the next 4 weeks.

I am looking forward to meeting you... at some point its a year or more overdue
Pushing LR off in the row boat tomorrow morning. Look out for her
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  #1323  
Old 05-13-2012, 06:58 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Mono seems to be filled with compersion. I don't get it. I look at him sideways and wait for the other shoe to drop. Some how his view on things has totally changed since Leo and I broke up. He won't tell me why yet, but I am just enjoying his comfort.
Omigosh! Could he... you don't think... maybe he's... becoming poly??!!??!!


j/k
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  #1324  
Old 05-13-2012, 08:54 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Omigosh! Could he... you don't think... maybe he's... becoming poly??!!??!!


j/k
Well he definitely is getting that he can have an emotional connection to other women besides me. Other people in general. He has been spending time with his ex wife and a friend at work and cares about both of them. Even loves them. Beyond that I don't think he's given up his Mono status, just his description of what it means to be mono to him. What it means to be in a relationship.

Relationships can be committed on different levels and he gets that more now. Things aren't as black and white as he thought they are or should be. Love is expansive if its allowed to grow. Once he allowed that in his life, it grew. I think we are over the healing process he needed to go through and into a new and improved relationship of deep commitment to what we have. Commitment to our relationship. Now there is room to spread out with confidence and security in that commitment. Its a good day.
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  #1325  
Old 05-13-2012, 09:03 PM
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Relationships can be committed on different levels and he gets that more now. Things aren't as black and white as he thought they are or should be. Love is expansive if its allowed to grow. Once he allowed that in his life, it grew. I think we are over the healing process he needed to go through and into a new and improved relationship of deep commitment to what we have. Commitment to our relationship. Now there is room to spread out with confidence and security in that commitment. Its a good day.
It's weird to go through this, kinda amazing at the same time.
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  #1326  
Old 05-15-2012, 02:39 PM
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I made sure that everyone I am seeing right now has seen this blog. Its mandatory for me, from now on, that they get regularly updated to what I say here so there will be no chance that they don't know what I say and don't get three years worth of select blogging at once. So far that has gone over well. No one has understood why I am insisting really, but it was a fearful few hours waiting for the incoming thoughts of what I have been saying. I pushed through it as I don't want to end up losing a relationship again, as I did with Leo, because of this blog.

My new friends ex has spent six weeks now in denial that its over and constantly texting, messaging and phoning him and various other people in his life. Including me. Last night she removed all of us from fb. I am hoping that is the end of it. It would of been fine if she had taken the break up seriously and taken the time to heal and moved on, but it got to a point of her thinking she had to sever ties completely and then sabotaging her relationships with everyone to make that break. To bad she didn't have the patience to just let everyone heal. Mostly herself.

I was hopeful for a bit, and grieving myself, but there has been too much said and there has been some clarity that is just too heavy to carry. I put down the load and said my good-byes.
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Last edited by redpepper; 05-16-2012 at 02:58 AM.
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  #1327  
Old 05-20-2012, 04:16 AM
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The sun is setting on a warm spring day. I am sitting listening to my Dad play his cello on the deck of the house that my Mum and Dad built after we turned over the property to them, via a lawyer, three years ago after they accused Mono of abusing our child (they wanted complete separation between us all back then). Back then I thought we would never be here again and here I sit listening to my brother and his girlfriend talk, my mum and Mono talking, my son and husband chatting and my ex wife tapping away on her key board. Seriously never thought... so fucking happy I could cry. All the hard work brought me and them here. Nothing else. And now, in this moment, nothing else matters in my world.

My only wish was that there were a few more people added. They know who they are?
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  #1328  
Old 05-20-2012, 04:23 AM
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I miss you this evening too.
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  #1329  
Old 05-20-2012, 04:38 AM
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I miss you this evening too.
told you you'd know who you are. miss you too sweets.
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  #1330  
Old 05-20-2012, 06:38 AM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
The sun is setting on a warm spring day. I am sitting listening to my Dad play his cello on the deck of the house that my Mum and Dad built after we turned over the property to them, via a lawyer, three years ago after they accused Mono of abusing our child (they wanted complete separation between us all back then). Back then I thought we would never be here again and here I sit listening to my brother and his girlfriend talk, my mum and Mono talking, my son and husband chatting and my ex wife tapping away on her key board. Seriously never thought... so fucking happy I could cry. All the hard work brought me and them here. Nothing else. And now, in this moment, nothing else matters in my world.
That got me all misty eyed. It sounds really nice, and I'm glad you could get to this point with all the members of your "family".
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