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  #1  
Old 05-19-2012, 11:11 PM
David76 David76 is offline
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Default Looking a third member for our family in NC

Hi, we are a white couple in NC looking to add to our relationship via another female. We're looking for white females ages 18-40's to join us. I am a 35 year old white male and she is 19 white female that is very bi curious. The female wouldn't have to be bi but it would be a plus. We're looking for someone that will relocate here with us and become a part of our household. That being said, the female would be expected to contribute to the household as well as help keep things neat and clean around the house.
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  #2  
Old 05-21-2012, 04:18 PM
David76 David76 is offline
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42 views and no replies ? If Im coming off as a hard nose or something I promise Im not that way. I just know that the gf and I have talked about this and she is wanting to give it a try and looks forward to meeting people to see if this is for sure what we really want to do.
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  #3  
Old 05-21-2012, 05:06 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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David,

If you haven't already search for 'unicorn', 'unicorn hunters', couples dating together, 'triads' 'vee's.

Possibly a reason you've had views and no replies is that what you and your girlfriend are looking for is rare to find and hard to sustain. You two are what poly folks call 'unicorn hunters' - unicorn because finding an attractive, single, hopefully bi young woman who is hopefully into the both of you is so difficult as to be, well, mythological. It's not impossible, but hard enough that you and she need realistic expectations for your search. There is a stereotype about unicorn hunters that you will need to understand and counter.

Have you connected with your local poly groups? There is probably one at least somewhat near you two. If you search about on this site, there are mentions of websites to find local groups. You can also google poly local groups and see what comes up. Having in person interactions is the best way to meet like minded poly folks as well as meet possible partners.

Finally, your last sentence would prevent many from contacting you and your girlfriend. One part of the stereotype of unicorn hunters is that they want a sexy young thing that will also provide free childcare and/or housework. At the least hint that you would expect that, well, unicorns run away fast. I get that you were probably just saying that you two do not want a free loader but your wording was unfortunate and needs changing.
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Old 05-21-2012, 08:59 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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I read pretty much every post on here, just to clear them from my initial views (I go through the forum by viewing "New Posts" when I log in) as well as to see if there happens to be something of interest even if the title doesn't draw my attention.

I also agree that some of your wording is slightly off-putting. I wouldn't respond to an ad that kept referring to me as "the female." It seems really impersonal.

It also helps if you add some additional information/expectations - What are your interests? General careers (i.e. healthcare, business, education, etc)? Do you expect to find a woman with no other relationships or desire to form other relationships (to have a closed vee/triad) or is someone who has other secondary/not live-in relationships okay?

This is a fairly new post, and sometimes it is hard to find people on this board from your specific area. Also, most people aren't thinking ahead to relocate specifically for a relationship unless it is in an area they are interested in anyway. You would probably have more luck on a dating site (like OKCupid) since it is specifically formulated for finding people whereas that is a secondary function of this one.

Best of luck in finding what you want!
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Old 05-21-2012, 09:36 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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To be honest, unicorn hunters don't do very well posting what they want anywhere, unless they change their perspective and adjust what they're looking for. "Joining" your existing relationship, relocating, and helping with the housework appeals to very few out there, and will probably only attract drifters or people who are desperate for a place to stay. It's better to look for someone who wants to take things slowly and develop a relationship with one of you first, without expecting the relationship to be with both of you. You two will very likely fare better if you date separately and forget about having a live-in maid to play with.

I really don't see this forum as a good viable place to post dating ads, actually. I wonder how many people have actually hooked up from the Dating & Friendships board. It's probably a very low percentage of the posts people make.

This is really more of a community where people share and get to know each other before anyone actually meets. You will probably have more success with OKCupid or other real dating sites.


Quote:
Originally Posted by km34 View Post
I read pretty much every post on here, just to clear them from my initial views (I go through the forum by viewing "New Posts" when I log in) as well as to see if there happens to be something of interest even if the title doesn't draw my attention.
You can also just read the posts you want to read and then go to Quick Links > Mark Forums Read, so you don't need to open every thread to clear them out of New Posts. But I admit, I do visit posts here just out of curiosity.
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Old 06-13-2012, 01:41 PM
David76 David76 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David76 View Post
Hi, we are a white couple in NC looking to add to our relationship via another female. We're looking for white females ages 18-40's to join us in our relationship. I am a 35 year old white male and she is 19 white female that is very bi curious. She wouldn't have to be bi but it would be a plus. We're looking for someone that would be willing to relocate here with us and become a part of our relationship as well as our household. That being said, the female would be expected to contribute to the household as well.We are not looking for someone to come in and do all the house work or be treated badly. She would be a part of our relationship not just some woman that just so happens to live with us. She wouldn't have to be Miss America but let's be honest we all have to be attracted to someone and looks are not always what attracts us. It's the person.

Maybe with the edit I did on this will help explain a little more.
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  #7  
Old 06-13-2012, 04:33 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Ok, but what are you offering this person, other than a place to live and sex with both of you, in return for maid duties? can you see how seeing this ad might cause the wrong people to apply, or for the right people to not apply at all?

The fact is that couples "looking for a third" to be a part of the family (aka "Unicorn Hunting) are numerically far outweighing the number of women that are looking for that sort of arrangement. What that means, according to the law of supply and demand, is that the females can be extremely picky. And THAT means they can pick and choose whose ads they reply to. So what are they going to do? Pick the ones that look the most appealing to them.

And what does that mean for the Unicorn Hunters? They have to SELL themselves - not lie, but talk more about themselves, what they may have to offer a prospective partner. Just giving ages doesn't tell anybody anything.

The alternative to selling yourself and hoping that a unicorn comes your way is to relax your requirements. I am the wrong gender to be a unicorn, but based on conversations I have had with them, the main problems are things like the expectation that the relationships have to develop with both of them, the idea that they are an "add-on" to the family, not being part of the family, or the idea that things go from chatting on the interwebs right to them being expected to move in. They feel like an interchangeable commodity, fitting an empty slot, rather than being a real person that someone is going to have a real relationship with.

So finding someone like this is going to involve avoiding a lot of those pitfalls. What you are looking for isn't wrong, just very, very rare. You either need to be very patient, sell yourselves a little more, or relax your requirements.

Does that make sense?
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