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Old 05-15-2012, 09:29 PM
PolyCurious4 PolyCurious4 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 31
Default Feeling threatened...

Hubby and I have moved forward from our failed quad experience and feel like we have learned some lessons. We're giving a try at establishing completely separate relationships.

I had a new friend that started out as purely friendship. She expressed an interest in more. So, we've been on a couple of lunch dates. She's a great and I'm taking things very slow considering our last experience caused hurt feelings and I think a lot of that was because I/we rushed in too quickly.

Hubby didn't have as easy a time initially as far as finding someone. He met a girl. He did finally find someone of interest. They texted for a week and met for lunch. From there it was fast fast and I'm having a difficult time adjusting.

The day of the date things went really well. I was worried I would be uncomfortable because I didn't have a distraction of a date of my own. I didn't feel uncomfortable. And was happy it went so well for Hubby.

All went well until I got my feelings hurt. Our daughter had been away for a week with her grandparents. The last night before she was to come home Hubby and I planned to have one last date night together. Hubby asked me if he could see his gf again instead of our date night because he wouldn't be able to see her the following week because we had a week long family engagement (his parents were bringing our daughter back & we were all spending the week at their condo on the lake). I declined his request because date nights for he and I are fairly limited because we rarely have a babysitter. I felt because he had just seen her that day & we had these plans already a week shouldn't be an issue.

Honestly it kinda hurt my feelings because he wanted to bail on our date night. He said no big deal and it was all fine.

Since they began talking they have texted very frequently. Initially he was discrete & it didn't interfere with our time. Our prior rule has always been that we didn't text while during family get togethers. Because this was a week long event we agreed no texting rule wouldn't be reasonable and agreed we could but needed to keep it discrete.

Hubby wasn't so discrete and I noticed he was texting a lot. I told him I was feeling a little uncomfortable and requested he tone it down a bit. I told him I'd work through it but I was feeling a little insecure because things were moving quickly with them & it was infringing on our family time and I need just to time it down with the frequency of talking for a couple of days. Hubby said he understood and could tone it down.

Well, the next day he texted her and told her he was going to try to arrange to see her & asked what her schedule was that he just needed to run it by me. Well he the asks me. I was very hurt by this and am feeling very hurt. I had just told him I need him to tone it down and the following day he was arranging to see her. I was hurt also because I felt like he put me on the spot by asking her before he talked to me.

He said he can stop seeing her. That's not what I want but want to feel secure as well. Am I being overly sensitive? I knew there may be growing pains & we may make mistakes along the way. I'm trying not to feel threatened but I do.
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boundaries, boundary negotiation, date nights, expectations, nre, texting

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