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Old 05-14-2012, 03:34 AM
blytheandbonny's Avatar
blytheandbonny blytheandbonny is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 22
Default For the Mono/Secondaries in the crowd

I'm sort of turning over the question in my head this evening of whether or not being secondary in the hierarchy means I am getting (or settling for) less.

Sort of in the context of answering the question, "If you give all of yourself to someone, why would you settle for any less in return?"

Two thoughts (questions, really) -
  1. Is being a secondary necessarily a comment on where I am in the hierarcy v. where the relationship stands on its own merit relative to SO's life, given the natural evolution of the relationship as it stands now?
  2. If all of my emotional, mental, and physical nourishment needs are being met in the relationship as it stands right now in this moment in time, does the SO's relationship with anyone else (primary or otherwise) make what I have/get less? I'm still winning, yes?

So perhaps the question - at least for me in figuring out the whole cosmic configuration in what is all brand-new territory - is what the potential future holds?

On one hand, regardless of my SO's relationship with anyone else, his and my relationship has to have it's own growth pattern and rhythm. I can't predict the future, but I do see and am excited by the potential.

On the other, do I need to consider that despite how close we get in this hypothetical future, will I always be content to be a "secondary" as long as my needs are met? I mean, that's a possibility, right? Even if the golden path is achieved and there's wedding bells and happily ever after etc etc etc?

And, again, if needs are being met, what does being "secondary" even mean in the big picture?

Mono/secondaries, what has been your experience? Those who love mono/secondaries, what is your perspective on this?
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