When will you consider fluid bonding?

[DarayTala]

I'm as certain as can be about the size of my group. Theres four of us involved including myself, and unless someone is very good at cheating behind our backs, thats it. If someone new got involved, they would need to be tested and we would need to trust them enough to know they weren't having sex with anyone who hadn't also been tested and was abstaining from sex with others, and so on and so forth. I do have a couple I'm friends with, and another friend, both of which who have the same standards I do. We have the option of doing things with them when they have been tested but have not yet had sex with others we don't know. True, they make those others get tested too and so on, but I don't know their partners personally, so I would not trust them not to be involved with others who have not been tested. So I would say I'm as certain as possible that my group consists of a very small group, all of which have been tested and not engaged in risky behavior afterwards.

[nycindie]

Tachycardia,
Just wanted to say, I think you're asking good questions. Making me think, and I'm sure making others think, too.

[Mya]

Originally Posted by Xared

For me, time isn't really a factor in itself. It has more to do with what the risk is and what kind of sexual activity is occurring.

This is true for me too. At the moment rory is the only one I'm not using barriers with and that has to do with the low risk activities we do and the fact that she only has one other partner who in turn doesn't have anyone else. If that were to change, I would re-evaluate the situation. With men - my husband and anyone else - I always use condoms in every activity we do. If I have sex with a new woman, I probably won't have oral sex with her (or if she prefers I can use dental dams), unless there are good reasons to think it would be safe. I'm not sure how long it would take to fluid bond with anyone new, because it depends so much on the situation/person/risk. And I will only consider fluid bonding when it comes to oral sex. I will never give up condoms in vaginal sex, it's too risky. I also REALLY don't want to get pregnant so to be sure about it, condoms are a good addition even though I'm also using another contraception method.

[BrigidsDaughter]

Runic Wolf and I fluid bonded at around 2 months because we were teenagers and I had anallergic reaction in the spermacide in the condoms he bought. Wendigo and I fluid bonded immediately, but I knew that there was no risk of STI's b/c he and his wife had been mono and non-sexual for almost 13 years. We'd also been friends for a few years so I trusted him completely. I have an IUD so pregnancy isn't a concern for us.

I also am not looking for any new partners. My two attempts at having a relationship with a female have fizzled and I am not so much polysaturated with my guys, but saturated with male energy. I don't want anyone else.

[tachycardia]

Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter

Runic Wolf and I fluid bonded at around 2 months because we were teenagers and I had anallergic reaction in the spermacide in the condoms he bought. Wendigo and I fluid bonded immediately, but I knew that there was no risk of STI's b/c he and his wife had been mono and non-sexual for almost 13 years. We'd also been friends for a few years so I trusted him completely.

So do Runic Wolf and/or Wendigo have unprotected sex with anyone else?

[Xared]

Originally Posted by tachycardia

So, for those who said "0-3 months" or "Other," how certain are you of the size of the group of people to whom you are concurrently exposed? How many people are in that group? If the group became larger, how would you be notified? Does anyone in the group have unprotected anal sex? Or are you just relying on a piece of paper that said your partner was negative several months ago?

I am not currently fluid-bonded to anyone, and I pretty much covered the theoreticals in my previous post.

My "girlfriend" Rachael and I accidentially became fluid-bonded the first time we had sex (she's allergic to latex and polyurethane condoms suck. I wish I'd known about polyisoprene condoms then.) Anyway, it broke. The rest of the week I was visiting her, we decided to proceed without condoms. She had clean test results from a month before, and both of her other partners weren't involved with anyone else (as far as they said, but I figured there wasn't much of a reason for them to lie). Probably low/medium risk, but in retrospect probably more risk than I was comfortable with. I tested clean six months later. We've decided to go back to barriers the next time we see each other. I also have a date this weekend with someone I assume is mono. I generally don't try to have sex on a first date, but sometimes the girl does. If so, condoms.

I figured the time-based poll was more about trust, and the implied question was "how long does it take for you to trust someone?" Still, I vote other. While time is a factor, it varies from a few months to several years, and depends more on demonstration of trustworthiness than time. If someone demonstrates that they're open about themselves and we talk and spend time together frequently, I could see myself trusting them enough to consider fluid bonding after a few months. It's different from person to person.

[BrigidsDaughter]

Originally Posted by tachycardia

So do Runic Wolf and/or Wendigo have unprotected sex with anyone else?

Outside the group, no. For a short period of time, Wendigo's wife joined us, but it didn't last. Neither Wendigo nor myself have any other partners nor do we desire any other partners. Runic Wolf is not currently seeing anyone as well.

[Derbylicious]

I find that to be fluid bonded with anyone that I have to know and trust everyone who is involved right to the edges of the poly configuration. Any time that changes (someone takes on a partner who has many other partners) I'm more than happy to go back to barrier use. I'm not only responsible for my own health but I am also responsible for my partners' health (and thier partners as well). The only person I can control is myself and as such I'm willing to take the responsibility of using barriers.