Well, that was interesting. Meeting/hanging out with the metamour for the first time.
There aren't any real questions contained herein. Some of you read last week about this journey that is brand new for me and the others in my V, and this is just sort of an update about crashing through some practical gateways over the weekend.
So this weekend, I met up with my guy, his wife, and their son (8 yo) for a movie on Friday night, then had lunch with her and the son on Saturday and spent a few hours just hanging out with her and the son at their place afterward. Then dinner with all 4 of us again.
It was my first time meeting the son and the first time she and I've had any real significant interaction. We'd only met once before for about 2 minutes. Other than that, it's all been filtered though him (outside of reading each other's forum posts in the last couple of days.)
It was quite pleasant.
I found her to be lovely. She was sincerely friendly, very sharp, and I didn't get any kind of possessive, jealous, or other negative vibe from her. She was very open, and it was really a kind and polite thing to do to invite me back to hang out with them after lunch after I'd sort of sprung lunch on them with no notice. Their son could not be more charming, either. Totally, totally dug him.
All that aside, it was a strange thing to privately have so much intimate detail about each other yet be pretty much total strangers. Feeling out the conversation was interesting. I am just not comfortable leapfrogging over the "getting to know you" social niceties, you know? So, don't know if it was just me being conservative, but the conversation was pretty heavily weighted towards things like movies, games, where did you grow up, and so forth. We hardly talked about our guy at all.
It felt to me like there were Big Things To Be Discussed, but
a) I just can't go from zero to sixty with the social intimacy.
b) I want to get to know her in a boring normal way (as much as is possible), not plunged in Drama and Issues. If we're going to be friends, there has to be something that binds us outside of our hinge. Otherwise, to me, it will still be friendly but not an independent friendship, you know? And I do want us to be friends. I think this will be important for me internally - to think of her as an independent entity, whole within herself.
c) I was worried the whole time about how she was - having to deal with her husband's girlfriend. Welcoming me into her home is a big deal, and given the redrawing of boundaries that've been recently introduced between them, I have no idea what her comfort level is/was (maybe we each needed to be around each other without him to have a sense of a baseline from which to work?) So I didn't want it to be weirder for her than it already might have been. Not to presume that it was weird for her. For all I know, it wasn't. But if it was, I wanted to err on the side of caution.
On Friday night after the movie during the credits sequence, there was a tender moment between them as our guy sort of snuggled up with her for a few minutes. I spent that time talking to their son about the movie - about which he was an adorable enthusiastic fan.
That was quite the threshold to behold. Wow. This V relationship thing is really happening.
Not just an abstract construct.
I'm seeing it before my eyes. Living it. Internalizing it.
I wonder how she felt about seeing the tender moments between him and me.
I wonder how he felt about these (albiet mild) displays of affection for each of us in front of the other and what must the burden be like to be mindful of the feelings of each of us.
A whole bunch to process after an intense weekend. Well, an intense week+ actually.
Not sure what next steps are. Undoubtedly they will present themselves in their own time.
|ldr, meeting a metamour, metamour, metamours, mono-poly, secondary, vees|