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  #11  
Old 05-05-2012, 02:00 AM
Jade Jade is offline
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Like nycindie, I am wondering, have you actually spoken with her about the perceived disparity in feelings? Have you said to her, "Sweetie, it just feels like you're not into me as much as I'm into you. Are you feeling the same way?"
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  #12  
Old 05-05-2012, 08:18 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
nycindie - I didn't read that as that he had brought it up with her Significant Other. I think the capitalization was for emphasis...read it as "I have brought it up with her soooooooo many times."
Oh! Hahaha! I saw SO in caps and my mind immediately went to a poly acronym. I was wondering why someone would talk to her SO, so many times. Funny how the mind works. Thanks for the giggle.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #13  
Old 05-05-2012, 05:59 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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I saw the SO as emphasis, but still have the same question.

"Have you ever been madly, deeply in love with someone, and they say they love you back but it is clear they just aren't as excited to see you or hear from you as you are to see them? Or as much as they are their about their other lovers?"

Yes. And I have been told so many times, "that didn't mean what you think it meant," and "you can't assign that significance to that action, because they are not you"... of course, I hear these words from my husband, not the parties involved.

"I know that I should accept her statement of love for me at face value, but she hardly communicates with me at all about how she feels, and I have brought it up with her SO many times that I feel guilty as hell bringing it up anymore. I'm hurting bad inside. I walk around thinking about how I wish she loved me all the time, day and night."

Oh yeah. I understand. It's very hard to carry on a relationship with someone who pays lip service to love, but isn't open. You wind up questioning yourself and feeling stupid for it mattering so much. For me, it's even worse, because I'm the jaded sort who will actually wonder if someone is trying to hurt me, and I need hubby to balance my paranoia. Sometimes I think it's just too challenging to be beneficial.

I asked if you've used the specific words, discussed the discrepancy in feelings (not openness, but disparity in energy for the relationship), because if you get the answer you fear, it may be enough to get you going in the path to recovery.

Last edited by Jade; 05-05-2012 at 06:02 PM.
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  #14  
Old 05-07-2012, 01:17 PM
BrandonWin BrandonWin is offline
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Default Thank you

I just wanted to post and say thank you for all the good advice here. Yes, I have been direct with her about my feelings, sometimes too often I think, but we still have communication issues. Different communication styles, etc.

You all have given me a lot of food for thought and thanks. - bw
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