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Old 11-28-2009, 06:38 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Default Moving a far away partner into your place.

So time and time again I hear on here people who have hooked up and have long distant relationships. They plan to move their new loves into their place, parent their kids together and become a unit, a family.

I find this notion simply heart warming and lovely and it makes me feel good to hear that people want family in this way. I want family in this way.

However, I have always been of the opinion that moving someone in that is only known from far away, vacations and mostly on-line or by other media is not a good idea. I am of the opinion that things need to be taken slowly. That a person should find their own life in a new place, a new job, their own friends, their own independence and pursue their own hobbies BEFORE joining parenting techniques, money spending habits and house hold chores etc. I think it creates co-dependency. I think it makes the job of having a relationship overly strained and it can't be sustained eventually. This and the dynamics between all the members become too intensified. It seems that the whole thing collapses in on itself.

It makes me sad but sadder still that what could of worked with some time, patience and getting to know each other becomes a mess of emotions. What is saddest is that sometimes kids are involved. It has made me VERY cautious about moving in with Mono and has made me question what the point of living with anyone is! I think I just want to live alone.... at some point.

Are we all just too stuck on the whole thing that society says we are eventually suppose to live with the partners we have? Is it a conditioned response? Or nature? Why can't people be married or in a serious relationship and not live together for the rest of their lives? I never wanted to live with my husband and he didn't really see it as necessary to live with me, we ended up doing so because it was cheaper, is that good enough motivation?

I would love to hear if anyone has experienced this or has experienced something different.
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cohabitation, family, living together, moving in, quads, second partner, third partner, triads

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