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Old 05-01-2012, 10:08 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by PassionFlower View Post
Also, some grace would be nice. There are a lot of monogamous people out there who don't understand polyamory, and would be very quick to judge you, but that doesn't mean they're right. Thanks.
Well said! I haven't commented thus far, because I don't have any personal knowledge of the type of situation you're talking about. However, as I re-read this caught my eye:
Originally Posted by PassionFlower View Post
He is definitely monogamous, and only wants to be with me.
Has HE done any reading about polyamory? It is quite possible to be mono oneself and be in a healthy, satisfying relationship with someone who is poly. I know later you said there was no way he'd be poly or "let" you be poly but I wonder how much reading and soul-searching he's done, to complement the work you've so obviously been doing for yourself.

If he's completely against you being poly and refuses to do anything at all to learn about this way of having relationships that appears to be so crucial to your happiness, then I would say he doesn't really love YOU. He may love the idea of you, or the person he thought you were or convinced himself you were when he married you, but he doesn't love the real YOU. And you deserve better than getting lip-service to "loving" you. I promise you there's someone out there who will love you for who you really are, poly, therapy, and all. Seeing as how, as poly, I don't subscribe to the idea of "The One", I would venture to guess there's multiple people out there who would love you for YOU! That doesn't mean it will happen quickly, but it can't happen at all until you take that step of not allowing your current, broken relationship to dictate your chances and choices for future happiness.

I wish you the best of luck in dealing with all this. I sympathize with the fear of not being able to know if you're making the right decision, and I know what's right usually isn't easy.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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