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  #21  
Old 04-22-2012, 05:55 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Yes....him being mono....and particularly not wanting a wife or primary partner of theirs being poly.
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  #22  
Old 04-22-2012, 06:49 PM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Yes....him being mono....and particularly not wanting a wife or primary partner of theirs being poly.
I'm not sure how C being mono would be an insult to my husband. I would almost think that it would vouch for his sincerity in his attentions to me -he's not just out playing the field. (Not to say poly people are, but my husband might see it that way.)

Whether C would want his own wife to be poly or not isn't something we've really discussed. I think if C had a primary relationship he would want to do what it took to make his partner happy, so if she was poly like me he'd let her be poly. If he could choose the same person in mono or poly flavors he'd undoubtedly choose mono, as my husband would, but when you love someone you don't always love everything about them. If C thought he was causing me to be poly he'd back right out of my life out of deference to my husband, but I've told him plenty of times if it weren't him, there'd be someone else. This is just the way I'm happiest.
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  #23  
Old 04-23-2012, 03:58 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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I'm not sure how C being mono would be an insult to my husband..
I said the same thing ...." what difference would a potential partners philosophy make to you. " I got a rather long answer back ......(paraphrase) ...to the effect that having this new relationship pushed on to him ...all the adjustments he's had to make to accommodate "them"... and then knowing this new guy doesn't have to and more importantly wouldn't do the same....really would rub him the wrong way. Along with that was the issue of honest intention....just using his wife for sex...or trying to steal ones partner....all that got thrown in the mix.

I did say if that's what your wife wants...(to be used sexually by some guy) and agrees to it .."whats it to you ." It went back to his comfort and the survivability of their marriage. And the need to have a respectful metamor type relationship. And that wouldn't be respectful and thus couldn't happen.

So I guess it's just I guys opinion.
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  #24  
Old 05-01-2012, 01:24 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
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Oh, never mind. I'm not over the NRE after all! I've just spent some idyllic time with him, and I'm apparently still quite madly in love. This marks a year since we became friends, and next month marks a year since the first kiss. I suspect this kind of relationship is going to take a very long time to get past this stage, because we are never together frequently enough or for long enough to get the slightest bit tired of each other. (Not to mention the fact that we never get to actually have sex...)

I did challenge him to find some part of me that he did not find overwhelmingly wonderful. He settled on a small chicken pox scar, which he said did nothing in particular to enhance or detract from my appearance. I told him everyone deserves to be loved this much.
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  #25  
Old 05-01-2012, 02:14 AM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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Default NRE Goodness and Badness

NRE can be maddening, or amazing depending on if you're on the receiving, experiencing or viewing end of things. To me NRE is like being drunk on love; it's hardly the time to make rational decisions, but it sure is fun!! I say as long as it isn't confusing or hurting anyone it's fantastic. I find it lasts up to a couple of years, but still feel like I'm in NRE with my husband every few months - love goes in cycles in some ways.

Enjoy!
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  #26  
Old 05-01-2012, 02:56 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
I did challenge him to find some part of me that he did not find overwhelmingly wonderful. He settled on a small chicken pox scar, which he said did nothing in particular to enhance or detract from my appearance. I told him everyone deserves to be loved this much.
Oh, you are so funny! "Find something wrong with me! Find it!" You reminded me of the play Italian American Reconciliation by J. Patrick Shanley. One of the main characters is a woman who can't stand how much her husband is so nice to her, puts her on a pedestal and idolizes her, she goes out of her way for him to see she's just a normal human being - she locks him out of the bedroom, poisons him, and finally shoots his dog!
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  #27  
Old 05-01-2012, 03:20 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
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Oh, you are so funny! "Find something wrong with me! Find it!" You reminded me of the play Italian American Reconciliation by J. Patrick Shanley. One of the main characters is a woman who can't stand how much her husband is so nice to her, puts her on a pedestal and idolizes her, she goes out of her way for him to see she's just a normal human being - she locks him out of the bedroom, poisons him, and finally shoots his dog!
Ok, I would not go that far! It's not that I want him to find something wrong with me, it's just that I know he's thinking every little thing about me is so great just because it's me. For example, he said my breasts were the perfect shape and size. I said if they were bigger or smaller he'd think that was perfect instead. He admitted it was true. I treasure the compliments that are really about me -he said really sweet things about my dancing style this weekend, for example -but the stuff about my eyelashes seems so obviously love-giddy it doesn't have much meaning. He tagged along on a grocery run this morning and thought it was endearing that I had a menu plan and a list. Really?

But I love being adored, I do admit. And he has the most unique and beautiful eyes, and listens to me like no one else I know, and I love him.
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  #28  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:14 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
it's just that I know he's thinking every little thing about me is so great just because it's me. For example, he said my breasts were the perfect shape and size. I said if they were bigger or smaller he'd think that was perfect instead. He admitted it was true.
I actually am very similar to your guy here in this respect, and it totally has nothing to do with NRE for me. I don't have very many bodily preferences in the first place, but when I love somebody whatever they look like becomes to totally hot/beautiful to me because of that. That also works to the other direction; I find a person I don't like extremely unattractive no matter how hot they are (or were before I found out what they are like).

I actually find it a shame that so many people spend time "hiding their flaws". Flaws are usually whatever makes them look even more personal, and I especially adore those things in people I love.
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  #29  
Old 06-22-2012, 01:15 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Default 10 months

well.... I don't know how long NRE generally lasts, but I know my husband came out of it last week... some 10 months after meeting his girlfriend.
It was really strange, he had been with her for the weekend and when he came home I could just feel the shift, he immediately started saying to me how much he enjoyed seeing me and spending time with me... (instead of being withdrawn for a couple of hours - like I always am when I come home from an extended date - to make the transgression). He told me about their weekend and that there had been some tension. It was like all of a sudden, he no longer idealized her but saw her as a real person, with flaws and personality traits that may be less compatible with his than he originally thought.

And while his NRE has given me some major trouble (he did some pretty stupid and inconsiderate things while being blinded by it) I now feel kind of sad that that time of the fairy tale is gone.
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