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Old 05-01-2012, 12:30 AM
qtrhorse89 qtrhorse89 is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
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Default Need Advice or Suggestions

So I am currently in my first poly relationship with a guy who has two other girl friends. I am not his live-in and I'm content with this. We have been seeing each other for about a year now. I have dependent personality disorder and for the most part have been keeping it under control. Here lately it has gotten out of my control and I am going back to therapy to work on this. Several of the problems I'm about to touch on are probably largely being induced by this disorder but I was wondering if given the situation you all might have some suggestions in the meant time.

I have been with my partner for over a year, I am very happy with where we are at. I do not live with him and I don't want to live with him. He seems content with his live in gf and that is fine with me. The three of us that he sees are close and we spend time together. I don't usually get jealous of them or vice versa. One of the girls and myself were talking and the subject of love came up. I had talked to my partner about this before. I do feel my version of love for him aka an intense affection and concern for the well being of another. To me this is love it has different forms like romantic, familial, friendly etc but you get the picture. He seems to reject the word love based on its many definitions and basically said he cared for me but didn't want to use it. I let this go, I tell him I love him and don't expect anything back. Well then I find out that he been telling his other partners that he loves them but not me. I was hurt and didn't understand. The dpd kicked in and I basically had a gigantic melt down. He tried to explain it that he didn't feel the love for me that involved wanting to live with him or experiencing and intense pheremonal rush of sexual desire etc. That I was an intimate partner, a lover that he enjoyed seeing and spending time with and cared about deeply but that his definition of love doesn't fit. I just don't understand. I feel inadequate, like I've done something horribly wrong and that there is something wrong with me to not deserve this. I don't understand how that his is only version of the word love that it is a requirement for him to want to cohabitate with a person before they are loved? When he tries to explain his emotions to me it seems like my definition of the word love. So I don't know how to reconcile this. It seems like we are arguing more over semantics than actual feelings but I don't know how to cope with his wording. Maybe it is the way I was raised or I'm still thinking like a monogomous person, but I want that from him. Like I said I don't want to live with him, and our levels of emotional connection seem to be similar enough but I am confused as to what is going on. Has anybody else ever experienced something like this or can maybe shed some light on this? Is there some secret poly rule that I'm just not understanding...

Thanks for any help you can provide.
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