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Old 04-27-2012, 06:10 PM
ViableAlternative ViableAlternative is offline
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 67

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Not wanting them to have sex in your home is a perfectly reasonable boundary at this stage
It's a perfectly reasonable boundary at ANY stage. There are plenty of polyamorous folks who have long experience and who came to polyamory honestly and mutually who don't want to hear/see/smell/whatever their partners having sex with other partners. Or who don't want their partners having sex with other partners in their home, or in their bed. That's perfectly reasonable and acceptable by any standards, I would think. And it's not a hard boundary to abide by, either! If they want to fuck, they can rent a hotel room, for goodness' sake!

And that's not even touching upon his other gross transgressions. I'm polyamorous, very open, don't have many boundaries, and frankly, I would bail if I were in your shoes - not because he's polyamorous, but because he's lied enormously and mistreated you to the brink (or past) of emotional/psychological abuse. Not cool. To be fair, I may be projecting pretty significantly there - but, in my book, blaming YOU for HIS actions, threatening you with blame for the RESULTS of HIS actions, minimizing your feelings, crazymakimg over "forgetting" a very clear and extremely reasonable boundary, then laying the blame and minimizing again.... these things all reek of psychological abuse to me. I hope I'm just reading into it too much and projecting, but if I'm not, then.... well, I'd bail. Fast.
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Old 04-28-2012, 06:39 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I'm sorry that this man of yours is so lost in his NRE that he has become blinded by it. He doesn't seem to realize that he will lose you and the life you've had if he doesn't get his act together and be more considerate. It sounds like you have made some progress and that is positive.

I would invite you to do a tag search Go to the search engine on the tool bar and look for 'tags') here for "NRE" "cheating" "lessons" "foundations" There are many threads there that could help you understand how to cope better with his cheating, how to establish a solid foundation in this new relationship dynamic and help you understand his current love state with not only this woman (her being above board now) and with poly in general.
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Old 04-28-2012, 02:44 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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I agree with RP that reading on those topics is a good idea however I disagree that it should be you doing the reading as a coping mechanism for bad behavior. He needs to do the reading and work at this point....especially the ones on NRE. I would strongly urge him to do the reading and home work.
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