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  #401  
Old 04-27-2012, 07:27 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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Wow, the class sounds awesome!
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  #402  
Old 04-28-2012, 07:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mya View Post
Wow, the class sounds awesome!
Second that. I saved the email notification I received with your post in it for future reference.

Slightly related, have you checked out the videos by Austra and/or Florence and the Machine? Wonderful imagery and strikingly beautiful women!
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  #403  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Slightly related, have you checked out the videos by Austra and/or Florence and the Machine? Wonderful imagery and strikingly beautiful women!
No, I'll have to look them up!
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #404  
Old 05-05-2012, 07:27 AM
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Sometimes Davis can be a bit of a recluse, but that's not been the case at all lately, which I highly approve of. He found a sport he really likes and he's been practicing multiple hours a day most days, making new friends in the process. Jay, his best friend, and Bonnie, Jay's gf, both play also. The three of them have been hanging out a lot lately. It tickles me, I think to myself "I have Gia and Eric, he has Jay and Bonnie." Of course, his relationship with Jay is platonic. But then again it's not like mine with Gia has been notably sexual so much lately.

I love having crushes. I find it pleasantly distracting and diverting. A little like being tipsy. When I was younger crushes were wonderful but also problematic, because I had the idea that I ought to figure out what to do about them. Nowadays I can savor the tinge of excitement that a crush brings without feeling like I need to give it any sort of significance and generally without wondering what to do, especially if there are complications or reasons not to go for it, because I know that I have all the love I need. An unattainable crush is merely a pinch of extra flavor in the rich stew of my life.

All of that is leading up to saying that, yes, I still have a minor crush on Jay. Nothing like as heavy as when I was writing about it before, but it's there. I'm very very aware of him when he's around, I notice how much I'm looking or not looking at him, I notice the slightest touch of our fingers. And I'm actually beginning to really like Bonnie too as I get to know her better. It's hard not to imagine what the four of us would look like as a quad.

We all hung out last night, pleasant and silly and relaxed. Today we're all going to go on a day trip together. The plans include sports, nature, a movie, and a visit to Davis's parents. Heh, I guess this IS what we'd look like as a quad... just without the kissy-touchy stuff. A shame.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #405  
Old 05-05-2012, 08:22 AM
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Enjoy your non-sexual quad!
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  #406  
Old 05-06-2012, 07:19 AM
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BEST DAY IS BEST. Just, seriously, everything about the day that just passed was perfect. I smiled so much and laughed so much. Alternately calm/content and engaged/excited.

I think the truest sign that you have a great dynamic with people is if when you're with them you feel like a better version of yourself, enhanced. Smarter, funnier, more useful, more interesting, more attractive.

Got up early, shower with Davis, made coffee, stopped at the library to get a book I've been wanting to read, picked up J & B, good music in the car.

At our destination, sporting time! I don't play their game, so I explored the huge park we were visiting instead, found sunny patches in which to lay back and read. Lunch from a roadside stand. In the afternoon, D & J kept playing while B & I went swimming. We lounged on inflatable floating chairs and had a long conversation.

Heading back out, met up with Davis's parents and saw an amazing movie, then drove home, getting back a full 14 hours after we'd left.

The banter, the warmth, the careful attention we each pay to the others, the edge of attraction (I wonder very much, if it just's me who feels/sees it), the shared references.

Best non-sexual quad ever.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #407  
Old 05-06-2012, 12:03 PM
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I've been thinking a lot about the different grades of attraction there is, or more like that not everything is purely sexual attraction. I can feel very passionate about someone's writing and opinions and arguments, and then when I see them, they are okay. Nice, but don't make me feel any tender flushes inside my chest - no increased heart-rate, no short-of-breathness, no weird tummy processes I usually associate with sexual excitement/having a crush. I still immensely enjoy the convo, but I don't want to jump them. It's an intellectual attraction first and foremost.
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  #408  
Old 05-06-2012, 04:20 PM
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BU, this may be of interest to you, though it doesn't mention intellectual attraction which seems like a rather glaring omission now that you've brought it up:
http://secondlina.tumblr.com/post/21...-of-attraction
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #409  
Old 05-06-2012, 04:34 PM
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Aww, so cute, thanks!

I had this girl I went to on a few dates with. I had stalked her online for a year and absolutely loved her politics, her writing, her appereance etc. Then I realized she was not a very interesting person after all, after talking to her a few times. I had an online squish/crush that totally died IRL!
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  #410  
Old 05-22-2012, 06:07 PM
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I had a great conversation with Davis last night. A few months ago we were having heavy talks all the time, maybe too much even. Lately we seem to have swung too far in the other direction. I found myself feeling kind of distanced from him, and realized that I felt like we hadn't been communicating. Even though we've been hanging out a lot lately we've always been doing things -- going out, seeing friends, watching something, being physical, etc etc.

So last night I called him and asked about something that had been bugging me. Before we started dating again I'd been to a few "play parties", BDSM-themed get-togethers where dozens of people mingle and engage in kinky/sexual activities (active participation optional). I met Harry at such an event. I've since passed up multiple opportunities to attend fun-looking play parties out of deference to Davis's feelings. He finds it "weird" and even a little creepy to have sex with other people watching, or to watch other people (which is all I'd be doing at this point).

Recently, he mentioned to me that he likes the idea of clandestine sexual activity in semi-public places where you're flirting the edge of the danger that someone might see you. And my reaction was that I totally didn't get it. Why the heck would it be "creepy" to have sex in a place where people who WANT to be watching can see you and yet be ok to run the risk of being seen having sex by someone who DOESN'T want to see you??? The latter just seems rude to me.

We started there and branched out into a number of related topics. He revealed things to me that I'd never known, like that he has self-esteem issues about his body. We talked about the time I cheated on him with my ex, Ziggy, during our first go at a relationship, and how that still feeds into his apprehension about me being in sexual situations with others (this is such a difficult topic for him that just talking about it openly is HUGE for us). I was able to explain how in that instance I was stupidly letting sexual and romantic tension simmer in the background, ignoring it until it exploded in our faces. How I'd never make that mistake again, I'd talk to him long before it got to that point and either remove myself from the temptation or work something out poly-wise. He said all of that was very helpful and useful for him to hear.

I said that it was not a big deal for me to adhere to our current boundaries -- for instance, I hung out with Harry for a few hours on Sunday and was not tempted one tiny bit -- but that I do sometimes wish I had the freedom to, for example, make out with my roommate Eddie (he and I cuddle sometimes and in the past had no compunctions about taking it farther...). He immediately said "It would be ok with me if you made out with Eddie."

!!! Yay!

We talked some more and he clarified that kissing and biting with Eddie would be ok but that fondling of private parts would not be at this point. He said that he felt a little silly because his boundaries felt arbitrary but that it was important to him, because... he fumbled to explain. I jumped in and said "I understand. I broke your trust before, and being able to see now that you have the power in our relationship to say what's ok and then have that respected is a big deal, it's healing to have things go at your pace." He said yes, that was it exactly.

I am so grateful to these boards for giving me insight into things like this.

Davis went on to explain how he can feel things slowly changing for him. For instance, he is not ready to, say, consider participating in a threesome or attending a play party himself and does not know if he ever will be... but he can picture those things now, for himself, as future possibilities, which was never the case before. He said that he appreciates the opportunity to slowly acclimatize to these ideas, appreciates my patience.

He said that he in no way wants to push me into living together before I'm ready, and indeed now agrees that it's not the right time, but that he thinks it'll be that much easier for him to continue becoming more comfortable with seeing me be more open with my sexuality, and maybe even doing some exploring of openness with me, once we're in what he sees as a more stable, secure place. [wow, that was a long sentence] I told him, very directly, that the idea of living together just freaks me out at this point, for whatever reason. He said he knows and that's ok.

Such mixed feelings!!!! I'm so proud of him/us and so pleased about how things are going on one level, and so ambivalent on another level. I loathe the idea of losing him yet I can't seem to get comfortable with the idea of throwing caution to the wind and just cleaving to him and I keep wondering "Is this right, is this right, is this right for me?" Bleh bleh bleh. I get tired of talking about it, here or in my personal journal, I feel like a broken record.

To end things on a lighter note:
I asked him who exactly he might be able to picture having a threesome with. He mentioned an attractive female mutual friend. "So....... no chance of a foursome between you and me and Jay and Bonnie?" I said. He laughed and said no. I sighed dramatically and said "It's fine, I don't think they'd be into it either, I'd be the only one advocating for it and, well, three against one, it just wouldn't work." Of course I DO think that would be hella hot, and he knows I have a crush on Jay, so it really wasn't a joke, but sometimes making a joke of something is the way to get it out, and it felt good to get that desire out.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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