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Old 04-27-2012, 05:08 PM
Josie Josie is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 71
Default Needs Advice

Hi I'm Josie, I'm 19 and I've been in an open relationship for over a year now.
I would not describe my self as polyamorous but more as 'currently not monogamous'. Before my current partner I had only ever been in monogamous relationships, however, he is polyamorous and so we agreed to enter into an open relationship.

My most standards I'm not a particularly jealous or possesive type so for the most part I've settled quite well into an open relationship and being bisexual it has been nice to be able to express attraction to women whilst in a straight relationship.

The problem is: I can only seem to go so far. I have no problem with having sex with other people or having relationships with others but on the topic of love I have trouble.

Before me and my partner got together he was madly in love with another girl and were only seeing eachother casually. Because of this he repeatedly told me not to get attached as she was his main priority and he would always choose her. However, he was not her main priority at the time and so we eventually got together.

During the 1st 5 months he talked of her often and was endlessly comparing me to her. There were also many suggestion that I should change my fashion style or hair colour etc. and each of these suggestions would have made me more like her.

After 5 months this decreased however just a few days ago she told him that she loved him and I know that he loves her.

We've been together quite a long time now and I know that he loves me more but whenever I think of them entering a relationship in which they both love eachother it makes my chest ache. I wonder if perhaps this is my limit, if I've finally found something that I can't handle.

Is my feeling this way selfish? I've always said that I wanted to be able to give him all these things but I'm not sure if I can handle this. Would it be wrong of me to ask him not to?

On the one hand, I've made many, sometimes difficult adjustments to his lifestyle because I know he can't change who he is and love him for it, but does this mean he should also be able do the same for me if it's something that I can't change about myself?

However I'm worried that if I were to prevent them going out that he would grow to resent me and I hate the idea of that even more.

I know we work incredibly well in all other ways as a couple and there's no doubt about me wanting to continue to be with him. I'm just not sure how to compromise between our different relationship needs.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated
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