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  #11  
Old 04-23-2012, 07:59 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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I think we all hope that. I see it as part of being a good person, that whole honesty-about-your-feelings thing.
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  #12  
Old 04-23-2012, 08:35 PM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovefromgirl View Post
I think we all hope that. I see it as part of being a good person, that whole honesty-about-your-feelings thing.
I agree - but sometimes otherwise good people aren't straightforward about their feelings.
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  #13  
Old 04-25-2012, 03:10 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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A note from E, summarized:

* We talked today. She's been thinking a lot today about it.

* It's hard for her to think about relationships. Romantic feelings are mild and rare for her, so it's hard for her to identify and categorize her feelings for people.

* I mean very much to her as a friend, but she doesn't have romantic feelings for me. She wants our friendship to stay how it is and hopes I can be okay with that, too.

* She's intrigued by polyamory but doesn't want to investigate it herself. She also doesn't want to damage her relationship with her boyfriend. Even if he felt differently, though, she says she'd still not be interested in additional romantic relationships. It seems she's truly just naturally monogamous or nearly so.

* She apologized (!) for inadvertently causing tension between her boyfriend and I. She thanked me for being so open and honest about my feelings and said that she's been hazy but not for lack of honesty, and she just has trouble analyzing these sorts of things. She said she feels honored by my affection.

This hurts. But at least I know two things:

1) She's mono. I love her as she is. Therefore, it would be either me or her boyfriend. She's happy with him, so I don't want that to end.

2) If she were single (which wouldn't be good because I do feel compersion for them!) and wanted a relationship with me, I don't know if I'd be able to give her the time and attention a monogamous person would need from me as her only connection.

I will shove aside my feelings until she leaves. I won't waste any time I could have spent with her. I will not wonder what might have been. If it is to be, ever, it will be.

I find I have the urge to plug the hole, to replace her with a date or a hookup. But of course, there is an E-shaped hole in my heart right now, and nothing but E can plug it. I hope I can grow to be content with friendship. I was before - and perhaps I can be now, too. Since she is more or less asexual, this would not change how we spend time together, only how much time we spend.

This hurts - losing her to distance hurts more. I feel compersion, sadness, peace, resignation, loss, numbness, and a sort of slack-jawed disbelief.

I am okay. She'll tell me I'm okay, and she'll be right.
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  #14  
Old 04-26-2012, 04:37 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Lemon,

I'm so sorry this did not evolve the way you hoped.

Good on you though to have the self-awareness that even if she was
available and single, you may not be able to provide her with what she needs in a relationship.
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  #15  
Old 04-26-2012, 05:27 PM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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Thank you for the support. I'm feeling much better. I was right. She has the uncanny ability to make me feel peaceful. We talked about all my major crushes (about twenty) and hers (about two, ever) and it was all put in perspective.

I believe that were she poly by nature and were crushes not so exceedingly rare for her, we would be together. It doesn't say anything about the strength of our connection that she doesn't have romantic feelings for me. (She also said, unprompted, that she thinks I'm really pretty, so that's a comfort to my ego. )
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