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Old 04-25-2012, 02:46 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from Verabean):
"But when I am with my main boyfriend, my number one (I don't know what the poly term for him would be) ..."
It sounds like "primary" is the word you're looking for.

Re (from Verabean):
"I thought I was poly, because I am able to love many people at the same time."
Heh, well, as we were discussing on another thread: technically, just about everyone "loves" lots of people at the same time -- even monogamists. "I love my parents, I love my kids, I love my friends, I love my pets, etc."

The difference is that with polyamory, you're loving multiple people in a romantic way. I use the word "romantic" instead of "sexual" because it's not just sexual love (though sexual love is part of it). By romantic love I mean emotional entanglements, commitments, etc.

Re (from Verabean):
"I have some important loving relationships without sex as well, but they are not considered as threats to my boyfriend. Only sex is a threat. Why is sex a threat any more than an important loving relationship is? What is it about sex and lust specifically, that makes us feel jealous?"
To be honest, that's not always the case. Some people feel fine about their "primary" having sex with other people, but feel threatened (or jealous) if their primary "falls in love" (that is, gets emotionally involved) with another person.

And of course, some people get jealous over both "lust and love;" others are naturally non-jealous types and don't feel threatened by either. But I couldn't tell you why sex/lust makes (some) people jealous. Perhaps they're afraid that someone else is "better in the sack" than them, thus, fear of getting dumped for someone else (because that someone else offers "better sex").

Those are just my immediate thoughts. What the others have said here is good points too.
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friends with benefits, sex vs love

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