Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 04-23-2012, 04:01 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Brazil
Posts: 151
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
in my local group, the majority are kinky in various ways, many are pagan, most are geeky in some way (with lots of gamers),
I swear, I can understand the Wiccan connection, but I`ve never understood what gamers have to do with poly. Just an observation, it wouldn`t be a problem either way.

As for the bi thing, I don`t expect to share that with anyone there. If it happens, great. If not, then I`ll go to LGBTS clubs and have a grand old time making out with some hotties. That`s not what I expect to share with them.

I`m actually more worried about being single, and casual-sex friendly. Thanks!
__________________
Independent, sex-positive, bi-curious, private, atheist, elitist, athletic dude.

Last edited by feelyunicorn; 04-23-2012 at 04:03 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-23-2012, 06:45 PM
lovefromgirl's Avatar
lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
I swear, I can understand the Wiccan connection, but I`ve never understood what gamers have to do with poly. Just an observation, it wouldn`t be a problem either way.

As for the bi thing, I don`t expect to share that with anyone there. If it happens, great. If not, then I`ll go to LGBTS clubs and have a grand old time making out with some hotties. That`s not what I expect to share with them.

I`m actually more worried about being single, and casual-sex friendly. Thanks!
Mostly it's a set of traits that correlate, due to the people possessing them moving to the fringes of mainstream culture/developing subcultures of their own. Gaming has nothing to do with poly except that a lot of poly people are also gamers.
__________________
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-23-2012, 08:05 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,288
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
As for the bi thing, I don`t expect to share that with anyone there. If it happens, great. If not, then I`ll go to LGBTS clubs and have a grand old time making out with some hotties. That`s not what I expect to share with them.

I`m actually more worried about being single, and casual-sex friendly. Thanks!
Obviously it is totally up to you to share what you feel comfortable sharing. You know your environment best. I just gently suggest that you not rule out sharing this side of yourself with people in a poly group right away. I've usually found, in environments where I felt safe, the more open I was about who I was - all parts of me - the more open and relaxed I felt in that environment, and the more openly people reacted to me. You certainly don't have to be the bi poly guy flag waver, but if not you, well who?

I've found more concern about casual sex and differentiating it from poly online than in in-person meetings. My local group has ties to the swing communities here but that may be unusual. Of course, you may have a different experience in a different environment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovefromgirl View Post
Mostly it's a set of traits that correlate, due to the people possessing them moving to the fringes of mainstream culture/developing subcultures of their own. Gaming has nothing to do with poly except that a lot of poly people are also gamers.
As for the gaming connection, what lovefromgirl said.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-23-2012, 09:18 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 351
Default

Good luck at your meeting, Feelyunicorn.

I was also very nervous at my first poly group discussion. I drove an hour and a half by myself to a place where I knew absolutely no one. (That alone made me nervous even without the confusion of not knowing what to expect from a poly group.)

Everyone was very nice and welcoming. I did not feel uncomfortable at all.

But I also didn't feel like I fit in too well. Everyone was a bit clique-y. Everyone seemed totally experienced with poly and totally sure they were poly, rather than new and just questioning, like me.

Also, everyone had at least one partner (even if they didn't bring the partners with them to the meeting). I definitely felt like I was the only person there who was un-partnered and unsure of what I was looking for in a relationship (or whether I wanted a relationship at all).

However, there were no couples making out! I don't think you need to worry about that.

Ultimately, while I've had no negative experiences at poly groups, I don't really feel that the poly community is "my" community.

Feelyunicorn, the best advice I would give you is just to go to see what it's like. Don't expect too much, but go expecting to feel excluded either.

Also: don't hit on anyone or flirt with anyone at your first meeting. I don't know about the Brazilian poly community, but the groups I know are very clear about making discussion groups a safe place where people (especially women) don't have to worry about unwanted attention. Nor should you assume that all poly people are available.

After you get comfortable with the group, you can be more open about yourself and your situation. You might be able to raise the issues of finding support for the single-by-choice and for a more casual-sex-positive environment.

I personally noticed that those two aspects of my own life (single by choice, and open to pursuing more casual-type dating) are not much addressed in my local poly community.

Good luck, and tell us how it goes! I didn't even know there was any type of poly community in Brazil.
__________________
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 04-23-2012, 09:34 PM
DevotedGeek's Avatar
DevotedGeek DevotedGeek is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Santa Monica, CA
Posts: 22
Default

My first poly group meetup was a few months ago. I had no idea what to expect, and I was nervous and self-conscious from the get go.

Everyone was very polite. We sat around multiple tables in an outdoor restaurant for informal chat. A couple guys reminisced about the swinging/sex clubs and strip bars they used to attend before becoming poly, which made be even more self-conscious. (I've never been into swinging or "gentleman's clubs", and the thought still overwhelms my virgin Puritan sensibilities. ) I latched onto the only mono person there and focused on vanilla, non-poly topics such as work, family, etc.

Then I stumbled upon an old best friend of mine that I haven't seen for years. We were both shocked to see each other there of all places... it went something like: "Oh. Wow! So, then... you're poly too?" We spent the rest of the time catching up on the past 10+ years and having a blast.

I haven't been to another poly meeting since, but I probably will at some point. Or maybe I'll procrastinate and attend some other things first, like archery, or a class on rescue diving... and (of course) I have a zombie 5k survival run later this year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
...I've never understood what gamers have to do with poly. Just an observation, it wouldn't be a problem either way.
zOMG! My wife and I are geek/gamers, and many of our friends (who are geek/gamer polys) used to speculate amongst themselves on whether or not we were also poly. We weren't at the time, but when we opened our marriage and came out amongst our friends, I suspect one of them won a toaster oven (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKfEdjlRxSk).

Quote:
Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
[Regarding going to my first poly meeting...] I'm actually more worried about being single, and casual-sex friendly.
I wouldn't worry about attending a poly meetup by yourself. Granted, I've only been to ONE ever, but I went there by myself (not with the rest of my poly family) and everyone was very nice. No flirting... just a safe environment to meet other likeminded souls.

Quote:
Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
Mono hetero social functions are almost impossible for me to frequent these days out of PDA alone. Going to movie theaters is a challenge!
When we go to the movie theater together, we're all holding hands and grinning from ear to ear.

Last edited by DevotedGeek; 04-23-2012 at 10:13 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 04-24-2012, 03:36 AM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Brazil
Posts: 151
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
Also: don't hit on anyone or flirt with anyone at your first meeting.
Shouldn`t be an issue coming from my end. If we`re talking about women, I`d rather they take the initiative. And, when I do it, it`s because they`ve literally hit me over the head with it for ages...these days, even that might not work too well. I walk away on flirtation.

Want me? Be blunt and unsmiling.

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
You certainly don't have to be the bi poly guy flag waver
I`m not even a flag waver among other bisexuals. I`ll likely neither hide it nor advertise it.
__________________
Independent, sex-positive, bi-curious, private, atheist, elitist, athletic dude.

Last edited by feelyunicorn; 04-24-2012 at 03:41 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 04-25-2012, 09:04 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,374
Default

My first poly meeting was a disaster. It seemed everyone wanted to hook up more than anything else.
Still, it was good to talk to other people who understood. But I really felt a disconnect with most of them.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
meet ups, poly events, social groups

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:25 AM.