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Old 04-21-2012, 10:32 PM
Verabean Verabean is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Post Where does lust fit in?

Where does lust fit in to all this? I am also very new to poly. I am not sure I understand what romantic love as opposed to friendly love. To me, the difference is lust. I don't consider a person my friend unless we have been emotionally and intellectually involved together. Through our experiences we bond very strongly and often this leads to physical encounters, always very different from person to person, ranging from holding hands to kissing to sex, in some cases making me feel more like we are lovers. But when I am with my main boyfriend, my number one (I don't know what the poly term for him would be), it's quite easy to let all my lovers and/or friends fall to the back of my mind, and live comfortably as a mono couple. We both travel a lot, and end up having to spend weeks or even months apart. At those times, we are usually meeting lots of new and very interesting people, and often we get caught up in the magic of the place or the moment and end up having sex with someone else. Usually very interesting people with whom we form some kind of bond, but also usually people who live in other parts of the world and whom we don't really ever see again. If we do, the romantic feelings dissipate because when he and I are together, there isn't much room for anyone else.
What I want to know is this - I thought I was poly, because I am able to love many people at the same time. But when I look at my situation, it seems like I am just having sex with some people I love every once in a while. I have some important loving relationships without sex as well, but they are not considered as threats to my boyfriend. Only sex is a threat. Why is sex a threat any more than an important loving relationship is? What is it about sex and lust specifically, that makes us feel jealous?

I hope someone will have the courage to read this - I do realize it's not very well organized. I have many questions and no one to really ask them to. I look forward to your input.
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friends with benefits, sex vs love

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