Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 04-20-2012, 08:28 PM
Kemie's Avatar
Kemie Kemie is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 22
Unhappy Break up Support

Last night Legs came over to my place and told me that he "couldn't do this anymore."

1. He talked about being unable to handle me having any form of casual sex (I swing with Wolf, but had previously agreed not to have an 1-on-1 contact with anyone except for Legs or Wolf).

2. He also talked about having developed a serious dislike of Wolf as a person... and he could only be in a poly relationship with me and another male if he liked and respected said other male. I mentioned that he didn't have to like Wolf, he just needed to respect the relationship I have with him; but this was a no go.

3. He said our ideas about the future are incompatible, even though we love each other very much. At the moment, he's right. I was and am happy with my poly lifestyle right now. He wasn't, despite recently developing a relationship with a new girl, X.

We spent the whole night pretty much just saying good bye and crying and petting each other, and he kept saying things like "I'll miss your (lips/smile/whatever)" and "I would still marry you," and "It's not fair; I love you so much."

So I need to ask for a couple of things from you guys:

1. How do I not take out my frustration on Wolf when I see him? I am a little unhappy with him because I think the last straw on the camel's back was Legs overhearing him talking to a mutual friend about some aspects of Wolf's and my sex life that he didn't need to want to know about. But apart from that little accident he's been nothing but supportive. And this was going to come along anyway; it's not as though he caused it. But I still want to beat something into the wall and cry and flail around and I don't want to be a crazy bitch. Help.

2. I have been essentially living with Legs for the last year and some. I have no idea how to go back to living alone and sleeping alone every night and not having someone to come home to after work. We each have our own places, but we swapped back and forth every other night; at least I don't have to really move out. Just take back the things I kept over at Legs' place. Any tips on how to get over this? I do have cats so that should help.

3. We have the same major social hobby and have a high likelyhood of seeing each other regularly. I realize this is the same in all relationships... but we also live 6 blocks apart. How do I stay away? Should I just avoid these sorts of situations? I really want to try to be close friends if we can't be partners, but I understand that a certain amount of time will be required before that can happen. Legs says it will never happen; that he can't do that either. That really hurt.

4. I'm to be laid off from my job later this year. I might be able to take a position in the city where Wolf lives... is that a good idea? There's nothing holding me in THIS city now. I don't know if I'd be happy with the job there, and it's the city where I grew up- it's not terribly exciting. Then again... it's a job and I don't have one. What sort of advice can you give for moving in with a partner and then moving out again for a job in a different place?

5. I could really just use some kind words. I've always followed the "leave them better than you found them" attempt with relationships. And I feel like I managed this with Legs. He's become more extroverted and open (things he wanted to be) and gained perspective and interest in poly-fi. Basically, he just learned a whole bunch about himself. This makes me happy. And certainly I've learned things about myself, too. So I'm happy and satisfied with the relationship. It didn't end on a cruel note, but I'm still really sad. I definitely have that "It's the end of the world and I'll never be happy again" feeling, even though I know it's not true and I'll be okay.

I don't feel like I failed... I just feel like I've lost.

Apologies for the long post.
Me: Mid-Twenties. Bi-sexual, but not bi-emotional. My open poly boyfriend: Wolfwood. My mono-boyfriend: Russo.
My blog; sexually-explicit posts locked under friends-only. Friend to read: Polygoodgirl
Reply With Quote

break up, breakup

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 06:16 PM.