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Old 11-26-2009, 05:46 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosevett View Post
Do you and he NEED to be completely absorbed & saturated with 'The community'
HUGZ - E
If I was wiling to settle for less depth in our intimate relationship, I believe I could be healthy in keeping distance from areas of Redpepper's life that are new and somewhat threatening to me. I could be her friend and maintain distance easily but that is not what either of us wants.
I don't need to be a part of all areas of her life but I do need to be comfortable with them.

For example:
I'm not a vegetarian (although developing tendencies) but her not eating meet does not threaten. I am comfortable with that aspect of her life even though I have never really known a vegetarian. There are lots of vegetarians in our community.

I enjoy aspects of kink and BDSM but they also still threaten me in many ways due to the fine line of BDSM play and sex. Play can lead to emotional connection, emotional connection leads to loving feelings, loving feelings lead to falling in love and sex. Redpepper crushes often and relatively easily and I have a hard enough time with feeling I am hindering her in pursuing those brief connections. This is an area I need to be comfortable in as it is a part of her community and interests.

The majority of the people we enjoy being with are all from the same poly community. The majority of the poly community is very open, sex positive, exploratory and a little anti mono.

I enjoy the people in our community...they are the most accepting group of individuals I have ever met and I learn from each of them. I simply have a core need to be comfortable with the "group think" if you will. Redpepper shares a lot of the common beliefs in that group think. I am still struggling to not be threatened amongst it....and thus I am held back from reaching my potential with a woman who deserves all of me.


I think I just opened up another can of worms here...hmmmm the discovery never stops!

Thanks for the comments and making me look at some things
Mono
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 11-26-2009 at 10:00 PM.
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