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  #1291  
Old 04-05-2012, 06:48 AM
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There has been much going on but I don't have time to write much right now. Thanks for all the replies all. I wish this forum had a like button I'm feeling much better now. Things are in the works.

Things are going better this week. Mono has realized that he has a habit of sabotaging a good thing when he finds it hard to know where to go next and starts getting depressed. We have worked out what to do next time. The occurrences of the other night have given me a precedent to fall back on and I intend to use it. I intend to remind him that I am not going anywhere and that I love him and will kick his ass until he gets his act together. He has agreed to this, even though he swears there will be no next time. We have had a great week of bonded love making and connection. We shall see how much gardening gets done as a result.

PN and I have also had our "bonding" time and while the garden is at least mowed, there is much more to do... among other things. Everyones mood is better though. Maybe because I am going away?

It seems Mono's boundaries are moved. He has decided that its okay for me to be free to consider other people as options to date and have sex with. This leaves my new friend in a new position. Or at least leaves me in a position of looking at him differently. I am wondering where this will go now that he has given me the okay to take it as it comes. I told Derby about it all and she seems to think he is an okay option, should I choose. My biggest concern is his gf and PN if I should decide to consider him as someone worthy of dating. Time will tell.

I'm off to Vegas for the long weekend with my ex wife. First trip out of Canada by plane in 8 years. I didn't realize all that goes into flying now! I am so excited, but it means leaving the forum for the time I'm gone I think. First time for that too in three years. Behave people!
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Last edited by redpepper; 04-05-2012 at 06:53 AM.
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  #1292  
Old 04-05-2012, 08:31 AM
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EEK!!!!!!! So excited for you! Have fun for me too while you're there, lol!
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  #1293  
Old 04-10-2012, 05:43 PM
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What an awesome holiday. Nothing but go go go. Of course! That's how I roll! I did sit by the pool for a couple of hours though. I had a great time, but missed my diverse life. I am so much more appreciative of all I have. I appreciated the time away too. Nothing like some space to gain perspective.

It looks like my ex is staying put for now as she loves her life there. She is finished school this year and is planning on looking for a job there. It was great to spend a huge chunk of time with her. We got along great. She took me to some places that she knew because she lives near there so I got to see some of local life. I prefer that. It made me realize how openly diverse my life is. I got a chance to see what it feels like to be an odd duck in the world more than I do here.

Onward to working on the show this weekend and catching up with my loves. I spent the afternoon with Mono, PN and LB yesterday. I showed them all the pictures and gave them their presents. Today I'm off to see Derby and check in with her. I plan to see my new friend some time to see about creating some space between us. I think I am prefering to leave him to do the work he needs to do with his gf. It seems I might be making it worse by being in his life. Some time away might help.
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  #1294  
Old 04-14-2012, 06:58 PM
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Oh forum how I miss thee.

It's been a busy busy week and isn't letting up. Right now I am gearing up for tonights big burlesque show. First big show since the Christmas one... actually before that as we have some out of town performers coming. I'm so excited and nervous right now, but trying to breath and take in a lovely sunny day here.

Up dates... okay lets see. Leo's wife has contacted PN and wants to hang out. I am fine with that and encouraging it but also very emotional about is as well as the intent is to talk about what happened this winter. Well, at least PN's anyway. PN is anxious to hear what happened for her in all this as all of us figure that its was all a grand misunderstanding and a moment of confusion, too much information and high emotions. I am really finding myself feeling very vulnerable and emotional about it, but.... well, whatever. Such is life. I'm not about to stop anyone hanging out because of how I feel. I just have to deal and get through it.

My new friend has broken up with his girlfriend. He has realized, through talks with me and through his history with her that there are parts of their relationship that are not going to change. He is keen to see about us getting together as an item, but I have put him off due to his break up. It seems to me that the most ethical thing to do in the spirit of compassion, remaining honest in my communication with her (she is a more close friend of mine), and having integrity, that I go at her pace and let some time pass before jumping into the idea that me and my new friend could be more than just friends. He also needs time too as its been a rough couple of weeks and he is finding himself bombarded with his own issues, emotions, and in need of grounding and new perspecitve. So, we all wait and see where all this is going. Little steps will reveal what could be and eventually what the best choices are. Part of me suspects that he will move on and that I am the person that was the catalyst in his continuing life journey of self discovery. I don't know yet. If that is the case, it will be revealed.

Life at home and with Derby is great. Its been a bonding experience between us in the events of this weeks break up of our friends. Its hard work being supportive and knowing where our own personal boundaries are. Each of our friends has relied on us in different ways and need support this week. It makes things a little on the sad side not to mention frustrating when there are other things going on in life and support isn't always easy to give.

So dear forum... I hope to catch up next week. I have a hard time knowing that there are now pages of threads I haven't looked at. I am letting it go, but its a strange feeling just the same.

Hope to lose a pastie tonight. As they say in the bizzzzz. heh. After being in Vegas I feel rather pathetic, but, whatever, this isn't Vegas, but we sure know how to have a good time just the same.
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  #1295  
Old 04-18-2012, 11:10 PM
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I'm slowly getting to know my new friend and like what I am finding. He is interested in something more. That is very evident. I am waiting patiently to see what happens in time and with some healing from the relationship he had that just ended.

I can see that all the ingredients I would look for in a partner are there including the necessity for huge amounts of independence in terms of time (I don't have much... surprise ), a considerate nature in terms of commitment to others of importance in his life, indication that life is to be filled with exiting new adventures and the fulfilling of goals, diligence in working on his issues, valuing sexuality and physical aspects of his body and others as sacred, importance of pacing oneself and viewing life as an unfolding process that need not be rushed, especially if one is to have something full and rich, tons of expression of emotion, intellectual thoughts on various topics.... I dunno. Lots more that I look for.

I guess what I really don't know is how much of this is friendship and how much relationship worthy. Mono has been spending some time with our friend (Derby had a coffee with him at one point too) and I think is plowing through his thoughts on the possibility of me being with him. They get along very well and are very similar in a lot of ways. Do I really need another Mono, who isn't mono?! HA! Not really I don't think... then what would be a good enough reason to date this man other than he really loves me and tells me that quite often?
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  #1296  
Old 04-18-2012, 11:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
... then what would be a good enough reason to date this man other than he really loves me and tells me that quite often?
Oh, let's see... perhaps because the experience could enrich your life even further? Maybe because one can never have too much love and caring in one's life? Because it might be fun? Because not entering into it will always make you wonder if that was the right choice? Because you will learn more about another human being (always interesting!) and yourself? Because the opportunity is presenting itself and life is too short to pass up good opportunities?

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  #1297  
Old 04-18-2012, 11:52 PM
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Yes, yes, perhaps you're right nycindie smart lady that you are.
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  #1298  
Old 04-19-2012, 02:25 AM
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The best way to feel alive is through living. You seem like a very extroverted lady, and if this person nurtures you and makes you feel good, by all means, enjoy it. Obviously he sees you as a wonderful person who is worth being with despite your time commitments. That's a pretty good indicator he's worth some of your time.
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  #1299  
Old 04-19-2012, 09:16 PM
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@lutuesandroses-thanks for your kind words of wisdom

What a great week. A dinner date with my fabulous husband. A surprise visit from Derby on her way home from derby, and a coffee date. Mono bought himself a truck that I get to take out for a drive this weekend. At LB's school there are going to be some big changes that will only make it even more of an amazing place for him to be. My new friend has been hanging around the house, hanging out with Mono and offering to help with household stuff (you know how I love that!). Everything has been great this week

Off for a coffee with my new friend in an hour or so. I am wondering what will come out of that as it will be the first time we meet without major issues to talk about in his life. Perhaps some silent moments? I can gage my comfort level with others by those silent moments. Should be interesting. He has kissed me a couple of times briefly and I have remained at a distant. I think I will let that go this time and see what that brings in terms of my comfort and trust level.
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Last edited by redpepper; 04-19-2012 at 09:18 PM.
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  #1300  
Old 04-19-2012, 11:08 PM
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Oh, RP, have fun and enjoy! This new friend of yours sounds awesome! And it's really good and special that Mono is on board and supportive about it.

Besides, after such a long time trying to make an unworkable situation work with that schmuck who only wanted you for decoration, isn't it fun/nice/groovy/hot to be in the company of someone who is actually available and obviously interested!!
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