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  #51  
Old 04-18-2012, 12:47 AM
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LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
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Awesome news, Kyle!

Have you looked into sliding scale therapy? Sometimes even your physicians are willing to further help if they have a psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor friend.
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  #52  
Old 04-18-2012, 12:54 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Originally Posted by LotusesandRoses View Post
Awesome news, Kyle!

Have you looked into sliding scale therapy? Sometimes even your physicians are willing to further help if they have a psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor friend.
We don't have health insurance, so it's all out of pocket. The counselor cut her cost down some for us because of that, and she's working with us, but most sliding scale therapists in this town are also Christians. Not a big deal to me, but my wife is losing her faith in Christianity and taking an interest in Buddhism... and given our poly interests, she feels that she would be "judged". Perception is all it takes to not trust your counselor, and we really like this counselor, so the cost will have to be dealt with.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #53  
Old 04-18-2012, 01:00 AM
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LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
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Understandable - Some things you just have to eat the cost. Take care of yourselves; you're both in my thoughts.
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  #54  
Old 04-18-2012, 04:22 AM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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It is tax deductible if you have enough medical expenses that qualify. Probably the only thing that allowed us to go as long as we did. Good luck!
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  #55  
Old 04-22-2012, 10:26 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Kyle, curious about your reaction to Love Dare, since I noticed you mentioned it in other threads as well. How relevant/useful might it be for someone in multiple relationships? Eg could you go through the process with one partner without feeling that it was hurting the relationship with the other partner? Could you do it with two partners simultaneously, trying to meet each day's goals wrt both partners?
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  #56  
Old 04-23-2012, 03:56 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Originally Posted by wildflowers View Post
Kyle, curious about your reaction to Love Dare, since I noticed you mentioned it in other threads as well. How relevant/useful might it be for someone in multiple relationships? Eg could you go through the process with one partner without feeling that it was hurting the relationship with the other partner? Could you do it with two partners simultaneously, trying to meet each day's goals wrt both partners?
I haven't finished it yet so I don't know if there is anything that would get in the way but as far as I can tell it is basically a book that tells you to re-evaluate yourself and your behavior and focus more on being selfless and being good to the other person.

Day one is being patient, day two is being nice, day three is being unexpectedly kind, and so on. It's really about showing the other person how much they mean to you. It really works. Katie told me how she can tell I'm really trying to fix us. Between that and our first day at counseling her attitude about us has changed dramatically. She is saying things she hasn't said to me in a long time. So yeah, I definitely recommend it, even if you aren't having problems.

You absolutely have to take it seriously though. If you flake out or only do each day half way it won't work. All day. Every day. Don't forget or opt out
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #57  
Old 07-01-2012, 06:23 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Sunday - Perspective Sight

Sometimes all it takes is a well placed catastrophe to make you realize what you have.

It's been well over a month since the last time I posted. Last time I made mention of going to a counselor. We went a second time and both Katie and I felt as though the second session was less beneficial. Looking back, I think it had a lot to do with the counselor struggling to help us. Despite our mutual frustrations, we weren't yet to the point where we hated one another or wanted out for good. We were forced to cancel our next session by unrelated events and chose not to reschedule. We have had a few bad fights since but nothing like before and I have very seriously attempted to right any wrongs before the fight ended so as to squash any hard feelings. We've been doing very well and Katie has, on several occassions, professed that she's glad I put up with her unhappiness and that she is happy now and things are better. She's more readily considering true polyamory and not that crap she had with LA. Neither of us have hard feelings regarding him but it's just not what it was supposed to be. B didn't work out (he just wanted sex, she called it off long before it went anywhere). She's talking to J (have I mentioned him before?) on a very regular basis now and our talks on the subject have progressed much further. Looking back, I let her do her thing with LA because I felt like it was necessary she have her freedom but all the warning signs were there and I should have said something. I feel much more comfortable with J as a candidate for her attention.

On to me. I'm still talking to A. Less than I'd like, but I find it hard to come up with topics like I did before. I had been overwhelmingly busy at work and while I love my job I just don't have the freedom I used to in my old area. I want to go visit her, but I feel like my wife isn't ready for that. I think she would handle it fine but I know how she is and I would prefer she have someone she can spend time with while I'm gone for a weekend or so. I would like someone closer (in addition to Katie and A, not instead of A) that I could go hang out with when Katie needs her space. I understand that means I have to watch my time more closely but I think I could handle it. Katie has mentioned having community living a couple of times. I think it has to do with reading Anita Blake and watching Sister Wives but I still understand her position and I agree. I just wish this damn state had some market availability.

On to the catastrophe. Katie lost her wedding set (engagement, wedding, and the ring I talked about in March). Yeah. It may have been stolen. We don't know. But two of them were heirlooms and are not replaceable by insurance. It devestated her. I think that was really when she started realizing her appreciation for me. She was coming around before then but when that happened she really clung to me. I feel guilty for being happy about it, since it brought us closer.

Catastrophe number 2: One of my good friends informed me of something terrible that happened with his family. Compared to that guy, I live in whimsy shire, without the killing (google it). Sometimes, it really does take something big to see what you need and what you want. Unfortunately, by then it's usually already lost.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #58  
Old 07-01-2012, 05:32 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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HI Kyle,

I'm glad you posted and that things are going relatively well for you. I'd been thinking of you, and wondering how it was going.
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Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #59  
Old 07-02-2012, 02:18 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Thanks Rain! Things are going well. Everything takes patience and work, but it gets easier every day. Hopefully, I'll have more to post here soon.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #60  
Old 07-13-2012, 03:26 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Thursday - Frustration Aplenty

Today was a long day. Long day at work. Long day home with the kids. Long day with my family at my brother's birthday party. Long day after we got home. Long day fighting with my computer that wants to die again. So much more. It's been a long damn day. I'm ready for it to end.

Why is it that when you message someone who says they're open to polyamory and actually try to pose meaningful conversation and show that you've looked at their profile they ignore you? What are you looking for that you won't even give me the time of day? I didn't mention your looks or sex or anything. I just tried to make conversation. Stop putting shit like "Message me if you'd like to get to know me, or for any reason" and then not respond. Blah.

I even had another girl message me back once and then stop... AFTER she asked me what else I wanted to know. Fuck, people. I don't know what you want from me. I'm decent looking, I'm nice, I'm silly, I'm cool. What are you looking for? Why isn't it in your profile?

I'm getting really tired of this. It's frustrating.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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dysfunctional marriage, lack of communication, mending a relationship

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