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  #11  
Old 04-17-2012, 06:38 PM
Johanna39 Johanna39 is offline
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Again, excellent and valid points being posted....thank you.

@CielDuMatin...D/s is my life now and is for me not roleplay...so yes, i do have to accept what He says though being a very fair Master, He does listen to my opinions as long as they are respectfully made. I am guilty of expressing my views since this has happened in a less than acceptable way and although not offering any excuses, i love Him and know my hurt has overridden everything else and my words have come out not as i wanted them to at times.

@dingedheart...although Master has had other subs, He has never, apart from myself been with any other for more than a year. I have 'voiced' all of my concerns with Him and i know He has done His level best to address them although at times i have not heard what i wanted to. This is such a huge learning curve for both of us. I know He has never set out to hurt me and He is being true to Himself but i can't lie...i need reassurance and totally open and honest communication.

Have to say, i am so glad i stumbled on this site which is giving me great strength right now x
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  #12  
Old 04-17-2012, 10:27 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johanna39 View Post
I am guilty of expressing my views since this has happened in a less than acceptable way and although not offering any excuses, i love Him and know my hurt has overridden everything else and my words have come out not as i wanted them to at times.
...and I think this is typical of the reason why any sort of full-time d/s is not for me. I couldn't fathom being in a relationship where I wasn't welcome to express my opinion at any time and openly, and, would want my partner to feel free to do the same.

I suspected that this would be your answer, by the way.

I just wrote a lot of speculation about the consequences of your situation and how it could affect your and his relationships, but deleted it, realising that I really don't "get" the d/s ways and so am probably way off-base.
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  #13  
Old 04-17-2012, 10:45 PM
Johanna39 Johanna39 is offline
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@CielDuMatin, please do express your thoughts freely. I am here both as a submissive but also as just a female trying to break through a stringent monogomous viewpoint . Any thoughts expressed will be given great thought i assure you.
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  #14  
Old 04-23-2012, 02:50 PM
Malbon Malbon is offline
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The message was sent in order to establish clarity over what had happened and what my feelings were, but I can see that some people might feel it would have been better to talk about it first. I am perhaps guilty of favouring clarity over emotional sensitivity at times, and I recognise that. This is a quote from the message.

"Anyway we will talk about it. There is no great hurry or pressure, but we will need to discuss it openly and share thoughts and responses. You can be sure that I am well aware of the potential negatives as well as the positives of a poly arrangement. It may be best for her to be a friend/rope partner and nothing more, my mind is open. Nothing can be decided and nothing will happen without your full involvement in the discussion, knowledge of and consent to whatever might be proposed."

I did not initiate the friendship with the other party, she approached me. I am not minded to ask permission before speaking to other people, and during the conversation the connection became apparent, so there was an element of fait accompli.I refrained from sharing this immediately, since I wished to establish that it was not simply a "flash in the pan", and did not want to trouble my partner with it if that was the case. This may have been a mistake, and I acknowledge that.

I recognise that I might have handled the situation better, and have apologised for any deficiencies in that regard.

I am very open to listening to constructive suggestions on this, and am certainly aware that there are situations where it is wise to "park" the DS aspects of the relationship while big issues are decided. There is a serious consent issue here which has to be addressed with great care, however it is also true that my primary partner has agreed in writing to the trust and consent framework I authored, partly in an attempt to make my position absolutely clear to her.
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  #15  
Old 04-23-2012, 04:54 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Malbon,

I take it you are the master in question?

Do you write a lot of emails and memos professionally?

...perhaps you are guilty of favoring clarity over emotional sensitivity...No question about that ..... this post reads like contract law. ....."the other party"

Why apologize or explain the circumstances of how the "other party" came into the mix when the consent framework clearly covers that.

I can see why you'd want to apologize for the execution of the notification process...but haven't you done that already in private channel and or in person ....and really isn't water under the bridge. Why now why here?

You're open to constructive suggestions from Johanna or the forum. And on what? Whats the problem as you see it ?
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  #16  
Old 04-24-2012, 08:08 PM
Johanna39 Johanna39 is offline
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Default Lessons learnt

Master issued an instruction to us both in which He stated that their relationship will only be as play partners and friends for now.

I trusted this was how it would be, given that i faced such a huge challenge and complete change of mindset. I both felt and appreciated that i was being given time to try and adjust. I read books, i tussled with my innermost thoughts, i berated myself for not being able to move forward though never ever in any doubt was my love for Him.

Nothing can be decided and nothing will happen without your full involvement in the discussion, knowledge of and consent to whatever might be proposed.

Sadly this wasn't the case.

Nothing more to add.
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  #17  
Old 04-25-2012, 02:39 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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So problem solved ? Right

Is everyone now happy? What about "the other party" is she happy about this ...and allowed to talk about it?
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  #18  
Old 04-25-2012, 05:57 PM
Johanna39 Johanna39 is offline
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Unhappy

Dingedheart, problem solved in that we are no longer together. I found out he had been dishonest and had met with 'the other' a few times without telling me which broke the instruction. 'The other' thought it was quite ok to break the agreement too despite proclaiming to me that she would abide by it to the letter.

Nice honest people with no shame.

I have no idea if either would like to comment.

Can you tell i'm hurting.

Ps. Great introduction to polyamory for me....not
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  #19  
Old 04-25-2012, 06:16 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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So sorry thing broke bad for you. It never makes sense to me why people in poly relationships sneak around and or cheat....its like double stupid and insulting. Do you think he was trying to blow up the relationship so you'd break up with him?
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  #20  
Old 04-25-2012, 06:25 PM
Johanna39 Johanna39 is offline
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You may have a point there Dingedheart....though in my eyes that would make him neither manly nor Masterly/Dominant.

I can't change what has happened but i can learn from the experience and that is what i will do when i can get past all the hurt eating away inside me.
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