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Old 02-11-2012, 06:07 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I don't think it matters so much if you identify as poly or not so much as you let yourself enjoy the feelings you are having. There is nothing wrong with feeling like a teen with crushes on people. Its your own private thoughts and feelings and it isn't harming anyone. It makes me feel young and giddy when I have crushy feelings (which is quite often! And I have a full deck of partners). Let it go and see what happens... be honest about how you feel and let it go until something real pops its head up. Then get on board with how to make it work with your life.
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Old 02-11-2012, 07:09 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by NewCrobuzon View Post
On the other hand, I've always been prone to taking my own feelings too seriously. In high school, I thought every crush was true love, and I tended to get horribly depressed over nothing.
So you were a normal teenager--why would you think that unusual?

There is a difference between infatuation and love, yes. To consider that any infatuation is a sign of juvenile regression is just silly, however, as it's a very common stage in romantic relationships among people of any age. The only question is whether the person feeling the infatuation recognizes what's going on (the difference between juvenile infatuation and adult infatuation).
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 02-12-2012, 05:36 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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No one else can tell you, definitively, whether this is a crush or "real feelings." It's one of those annoying questions that you can only answer for yourself.

Originally Posted by NewCrobuzon View Post
I disagree slightly with one of your premises though. In particular, I think it is possible to maintain a friends with benefits relationship without emotional attachment.
It really depends on the person. I, myself, can't have casual sex. I'm only attracted to people when there's "something there" and by the time it gets to sex, it's way too late for casual.

Like AT said, there's a big difference between the crushes you had as a teenager and the crushes you're having now. The very fact that you're questioning it proves that you're more aware now than you were as a teenager.

Most relationships start off as crushes. Whether it goes anywhere depends on whether you let it. I believe people have more control over their emotions than they give themselves credit for.

If you're not in a position where it's feasible or practical to develop romantic feelings for other women, then it might be a good idea to avoid the intimate exchanges that are causing those feelings. Alternatively, wait for the other relationship turmoil to fade, and then tell her that you'd like to explore changing that arrangement.
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Old 04-16-2012, 05:36 AM
mercucio mercucio is offline
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Smile Thanks!

I do not have any advice, but just wanted to say thanks for posting the question. I feel exactly the same way, and have been trying to work out why I felt the way I do. Good that I am not alone!
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