Indie... Solo... Poly...

[nycindie]

Thank you, Anneintherain. I wish my situation was easy enough to use something like LegalZoom, but there's stuff that needs negotiating since we disagree on a few important points.


- - - - - - - -

Lively is stretched out in my bed right now, his long limbs tangled up in my sheets. We went to bed early this morning after a long night of wonderfully connected sex and delicious massages. I got up to do a little work that needed completion this morning, then popped back into bed with him, rubbed his back, and said, "Do you know how much I care about you?" He groggily mumbled, "Awwww, I care about you, too" before he drifted off under my touch.

I wept a little as I felt my love for this man. Loving him is like an ever-present force that just brings me so much joy. I am so appreciative that loving him in the way that I do has been accepted by him, and that our relationship makes no demands nor requirements.

Last night, while we were out, he told me he would like to take me to the wedding of a friend. They haven't sent out invitations yet, and he's not sure when they will get married, but he said he would want me there so he could have a friend to talk to and be comfortable with. We talked about how his friends might look askance at our age difference, and it was an interesting conversation. I told him I'd go with him and be his "cougar." Hahaha.

[JaneQSmythe]

Originally Posted by Anneintherain

I really like how you use those crazy things like perspective and sanity to keep yourself in check...

Love this!

[BlackMagicBlonde]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Loving him is like an ever-present force that just brings me so much joy. I am so appreciative that loving him in the way that I do has been accepted by him, and that our relationship makes no demands nor requirements.

i love THIS.

[vixtresses]

Hi nycindie, just popping in to say I occasionally stop in just to read your blog. I keep going back to read this post of yours, because it really describes what I am also looking for. It really is kind of hard to put it in words. I love what you've got going on with Lively, that's so adorable.

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by nycindie

I wept a little as I felt my love for this man. Loving him is like an ever-present force that just brings me so much joy.

Ain't love grand?

Last night, while we were out, he told me he would like to take me to the wedding of a friend. They haven't sent out invitations yet, and he's not sure when they will get married, but he said he would want me there so he could have a friend to talk to and be comfortable with. We talked about how his friends might look askance at our age difference, and it was an interesting conversation. I told him I'd go with him and be his "cougar." Hahaha.

I can relate to this! miss pixi and I are constantly taken for mother and daughter. We've just grown used to it. I am so used to it, when I do go out with one or the other of my bfs who are close in age to me, it kinda feels weird!

[nycindie]

So...

I was contacted about two months or so ago by a married poly man who lives in another state but travels quite a bit for work. He found me thru PMM. Since he travels so much, he wanted to have a "girlfriend type relationship" with someone in a city that he visits fairly often. He also wants to meet a woman who might be able to go on trips with him sometimes. His wife has a lover that she sees only a few times a year because of distance. At the time he first wrote me, his work took him to NYC frequently. Then his job changed and he would be here visiting my city much less, because his travels have expanded to other countries. We stayed in touch, but sporadically. It has mostly been emails and texts.

The funny thing is that we both put so much into our profiles that our messaging back and forth didn't really say much. I had told him he could ask me whatever he wanted, and he said he didn't really have any questions because he already had a good sense of what I was looking for from my profile. I have the feeling he is one of those guys that doesn't have a need to talk a lot about serious stuff. We did have one phone call and it was a nice conversation that lasted about an hour, surprisingly.

So, it had been a few weeks since our phone call and I'd been wanting to write an email to him but didn't really know what to say. I've been feeling a bit stressed with school, my divorce, and financial situation, so I was beginning to think that maybe now was not the time to start up something with someone new. I didn't want to have him hanging on, waiting, but I was feeling a little guilty that I'd let it go so long without being in touch.

Well, I don't think it bothered him, probably because he's been so busy himself. This week, he contacted me to let me know he will be in the area on several trips over the next few months and wanted to know my availability so we can meet in person. I told him I would like to set something up for after my semester ends in mid-May, because I'll have finals to focus on until then (it also gives me some time to lose a few pounds). He was amenable to waiting til after May. He even added a smiley face to his text, so I guess he's satisfied with this development.

Everything is so level-headed that I don't know how to feel. I am glad that he is interested. Our convo was pleasant and easygoing, and he has responded really well to my pictures. He told me he thinks I'm gorgeous (!), and I think he's cute. He definitely seems like my type physically. I like the idea of having a LDR with a guy like him, but I am not feeling any spark yet. I'm not one to get all gaga over someone I only know thru online interactions, usually, so I guess it will all be revealed when I meet him in person. But when I was corresponding with Burnsy and maintaining an LDR with him, it was very exciting even before we met. Knowing that this man comes to the city and stays in a hotel sometimes makes me think a lot about the potential for some hot sex in a hotel room. I also wonder if he wants a bunch of lovers in numerous cities. That would be okay with me, I think, but just makes me wonder how it would feel to be part of an arrangement like that. I would be very cautious if he uses hookers or has girlfriends in countries where there is a lot of risk for STI transmission. These thoughts make me realize I need to ask more specific questions of him. I know he is not interested in a purely sexual relationship. He told me he and his wife tried swinging for a short while and didn't like it. He wants more substance and some emotional involvement.

However, he has such a low-key vibe that, truthfully, I haven't felt an awful lot of excitement over this. I have to remind myself that oftentimes still waters run deep. I might find that he is a very passionate exciting man when we meet face to face. And maybe I am just trying not to let myself invest too much yet for fear of being let down as I have been in the last year and a half. Plus, my life has been extremely stressful so far this year.

And, I must admit, even though Lively and I have an understanding that we are not exclusive, I haven't been with anyone else since I started seeing him ten months ago. I have been on a few dates but felt no spark with any of them, and so nothing developed with anyone else. But I think my old, habitual monogamous thinking has me a little nervous about taking a new lover - even though Lively is not my boyfriend and our relationship is a casual lover-friendship. For some reason, I keep imagining walking somewhere with this guy, or smooching in a cafe, and Lively walks by and sees us. I feel like I don't know what to do if Lively gets upset, we have such a nice friendship and I don't want to ruin it or hurt him.

I have always been a very loyal person. I don't believe that loyalty precludes living polyamorously, but I wonder if this loyalty I feel toward Lively is keeping me from getting too enthusiastic about my new suitor. Eh, it's all in my head, anyway. Anytime Lively and I have talked about our arrangement, he's told me he would never want to hold me back from pursuing a relationship with someone else.

*sigh* I'm just trying to work out in writing what's in my head.

[redpepper]

I have been reading your thread but haven't had anything to suggest until now.

I have been on a similar track and I as a result I would see where it goes and not read too much into it all. Enjoy it for what it is and if it seems right, then its right. Enjoy the journey. Sometimes journeys without effort are confusing because, well, they are no effort. That could be a good thing, or it could be that he's boring to you. You won't know until you spend time together I guess. I don't know about you but sometimes I get confused when things run smoothly and without drama. Maybe it just is what it is. Nothing more complicated than that.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by redpepper

I don't know about you but sometimes I get confused when things run smoothly and without drama. Maybe it just is what it is. Nothing more complicated than that.

Well, if that is the case, I welcome the opportunity. It would be nice to have a pocket of placidity and uncomplicated rapport with someone in my life. I have enough stress and drama!

Good point, RP. Thanks for reminding me.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Cleo

...thank you for sharing your story

Originally Posted by wildflowers

I want to second Cleo's thanks for posting your story. ... it was helpful seeing that I wasn't alone in how I felt.

Originally Posted by km34

I'm loving the haiku!

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

...I am becoming myself more and more each day. I wish you the same growth and joys.

Originally Posted by vixtresses

I keep going back to read this post of yours, because it really describes what I am also looking for. It really is kind of hard to put it in words. I love what you've got going on with Lively, that's so adorable.

I realized I never acknowledged some of you who have given me such warm, positive words of encouragement. Thanks for that. If I have left anyone out, I am sorry. I do really appreciate the kind words!

[nycindie]

Lively had planned to get together with me this week to help me celebrate my birthday, but I was feeling low that day and asked him to hang with me another time. I really don't want to be with him when I am very depressed, because I don't want to bring him further down. He has his own depression to manage, he doesn't need to be around mine. So, I spent my birthday sobbing in bed and generally feeling sorry for myself. I have such bullshit going on right now with my divorce and finances, I wish I could trade places with someone sometimes. Then my sister calls and keeps teasing me about being old. Yeah thanks, sis, you bitch.

So, last night I was feeling bad about blowing Lively off and I texted him to say "hi." Turns out that, at that very moment, he was a block from my apartment, walking up the avenue. So I told him to come and ring my bell. When he walked in the door and hugged me, I just started crying and telling him how blue I was, how much I was feeling like a failure, and so on. He was so kind to me, even though I know that kind of emotionality makes him uncomfortable.

Lively then took me out for a few drinks at a bar around the corner where a live band was playing. They were pretty good, and we had fun. We even smoked a little pot, and then he treated me to some food, which we took home to eat while watching TV. He curled up with me on my couch and I enjoyed having his body next to mine. I rubbed his back and he was in heaven.

Around 4am, we turned off the TV and went to bed. We were both really sleepy and yet really turned on at the same time. Several orgasms later, we fell dead asleep. I woke up around noon, but returned to bed after about an hour. We lazed in bed all day today. At some point, while caressing him, I said, in a very relaxed way, "Love you, baby." Lively moaned acknowledgement and squeezed me a little, in response. Even though he has known how I feel about him for some time now, I know he isn't totally comfy with hearing me say that. Sometimes he freezes a little or looks away. So, I'm careful not to bombard him with it or say it every time we're together (even though I am thinking it loud and clear!).

I have no goals in saying "I love you." I don't need to hear it back, but just want to be able to express my love for him when it feels right to come out with it, so it was a nice reaction to get today. It tells me he is more okay with it, and is learning to accept my feelings a little better, without needing to fend it off. And he was super affectionate, kissing me sweetly, caressing me, holding his gaze longer than usual. He stroked my face a few times, which he usually never does. These things mean a lot when you're with someone who is so very reserved and cautious in relationships!

We hit the diner around 4pm. That was fun. Before we parted, he said, "Don't let yourself get so down. Seeing you cry like that breaks my heart." He was so sweet and bashful as he said this. He gave me a long, squeezy hug. I know he loves me in his way, as much as he will allow himself. He doesn't have to tell me with specific words.