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Old 04-15-2012, 12:35 PM
Johanna39 Johanna39 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 10
Default Novice seeking advice please

I'm new here so please bear with me and i apologise in advance if my post is in the wrong place or upsets anyone.

I would like to tell people as briefly as i can about my relationship history and what the situation is now. I come from a BDSM background which includes power exchange. My partner is my Master and i am His submissive. I entered into the relationship under the full expectation it would be exclusive apart from some club play with others together.

I am now trying to open my mind to an alternative.

My Master had shown an interest in researching polyamory about 5 years into our relationship (we are now nearly at 7 years) but apart from discussing it with others it never went any further. I have known it would arise again but following discussions with Him, it was made clear to me that i was the primary, always would be and anyone else being considered would not just appear, i would have to know and trust her...even like her i suppose.

All well and good. I still had some concerns but was happy that everything would be open and honest. Just to explain, we don't live together, Master lives approximately 2 hours from me but we do spend roughly about 2 weeks of each month together at my house.

Last month after Master had attended a play club without me (which i'm perfectly ok with), i received an email the next evening which had also been copied to a female He had met the previous night and performed some Japanese ropework with. I had never heard of this person. It stated amongst other things that He and this person had felt a connection and that it was one that He couldn't and wouldn't ignore. There was some attempt of reassurance in the email but i felt sick to my stomach. I had expected anything like this to be discussed with me first and if possible face to face.

I am now in the situation of trying to accept this female into the equation but find i am unable to trust her. The reason being that she had seen Masters profile before that evening on a site we use that stated 'my manly and romantic needs are very well catered for' but had chosen to ignore that and proceeded to tell Him that night she thought He could provide what she was looking for.

Master instructed us to communicate via email which we have done and in which i asked why she had chosen to ignore His profile comments and although in them she has made some effort to placate me she has never answered this point. She says she doesn't want to become a threat to our relationship, that she is married and happy with her husband but i just can't get over her lack of respect for my position. Please let me say here that i am not narrowminded, hell i attend fetish clubs and play in public and there are a few females we know already who are lovely and i know i would be ok with the possibility of things going further.

So here i am. Hurt.com. I've been reading so much about polyamory these past few weeks, lots of it good stuff and it's easy to see how people are happy. But to me the overriding factor in all the relationships i've read about is the need for there to be total trust and whenever possible for each person to have some level of respect for each other.

Master issued an instruction to us both in which He stated that their relationship will only be as play partners and friends for now. I know He wants more and am desperately trying to find a way forward so i can accept this and be happy for Him. It would mean so much to Him if i told Him it was ok to take things further with her rather than Him just amending the instruction. I'm sorry if this all sounds a little confusing but the D/s lifestyle has only complicated matters in that it is His right to change or make any decisions.

So, here i am, after all my reading about polyamory respectfully asking for any advice that can be provided to help me in this journey.

Kind regards to all.


Last edited by Johanna39; 04-15-2012 at 10:21 PM.
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bdsm, boundary negotiation, cheating, d/s, dishonesty, dynamics, kink, red flags

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