Hi, I'm GreenMom (Green). I'm going to do my best to tell you all a bit about myself while still remaining moderately vague. Even though I am 99% sure that no one else involved in my life is here, I am still paranoid. Written words, posted, that cannot be taken back, that could come back to haunt me. I figure it will simply help me to post things as fair and balanced as possible, even when I have a bad day. Though to be fair, the person I am most likely to "attack" in posts is myself.
I'm married (Derrick) with two young kiddos (Elmo & Dora). I also have a relationship with my boyfriend (Marty), who is married (Kitty) with a young kiddo (Thomas). Derrick tells me in poly parlance this set up is called an "N", since Marty and I are the only ones who "cross over" between the two marriages romantically or sexually.
Our families live in different towns about 45 minutes apart. We all balance jobs, child care, and our own pursuits. In other words, we are all extremely busy people. Time is a challenge, especially for me, as I am pretty demanding and tend to want to get as much time as possible with those I care about. Not necessarily a bad trait, but I have to give myself a reality check every so often.
Before I write about where I am currently, I'm going to give an overview of my history with poly, so help you better understand where I am coming from.
I was a bit of a late bloomer compared to some in that my first serious relationship didn't happen til I was 20. I fell into it hard and fast, we moved in together within a few months of our first date, and got engaged not too long after. Life happened, and we ended up long distance, due to where my job was, and where his school was. During the course of this, I asked his permission to date women, giving the reason that because I was bisexual, and I had never dated a woman, I wanted to experience that. He agreed, and I had a very brief (like... less than a month) fling with a local woman, which ended badly and turned me off of women. I then met a man. I asked, and received, permission to explore that, though I know fiance was not thrilled about it. He showed me how thrilled he was by sleeping with one person I had specifically requested that he not (due to disease concerns), and things got kinda weird between us then. I'm not going into further details but we did not end well.
I continued my relationship with the other man I had been seeing. He had another woman he also saw, in a LDR situation (we were LDR as well). That ended and for a good while we were each others' "only". Then he met someone, and ended what we had so he could be with her.
Then came my now husband, Derrick. I held myself pretty reserved our first couple dates. Our third date, months having passed between each date during which we kept in touch other ways, we launched feet first into a committed relationship. Three months after that, we were living together. I had known he was poly, and frankly at that point, I wanted nothing to do with poly anymore, since I hadn't really had any positive poly experiences. That was why I resisted dating him at first. After we added sex into the mix on our third date, I told him the next morning that we could go back to being friends, but I just didn't think I could do poly again. He told me he would date only me, so we moved forward, and have been together for coming up on six years now.
Something I've been up front about with all my boyfriends/girlfriends is the fact that D/s and BDSM are a very important part of my life. I'm not really big into the local community, but it is a large part of how I am naturally in relationships. I'm a switch, and I'm happiest when I can express both "sides" of that. Derrick was very up front about the fact that he is strictly dominant, and for a few years, I was okay with that. Then I started getting very resentful of the fact that he wouldn't switch and let me be the dominant sometimes. He encouraged me to find another partner with whom I could express that side of myself. I fought that suggestion hard for a couple years. That would be poly. Gasp!
Finally I met a girl (another LDR), and was able to start exploring that side of myself again. This burned out within a few months, but gave me just enough of a taste that I couldn't suppress that side of myself happily anymore. Summer of 2011 I started seriously looking for a submissive female play partner. I had convinced myself as well that I would keep this casual, more of a friends situation, just friends who are also play partners at time.
I hadn't really had much luck, and then at a BDSM event we attended in November? December? after we watched a really intense scene that included a very talented person wielding floggers, I asked Derrick - "if I had the opportunity to play with someone like that, just for the experience not for anything more, would that be cool?" Derrick, "Why wouldn't it be?" Green - "Well, he's male. I have permission to play with women." Derrick - "That was your rule, not mine. Gender doesn't make a difference to me."
That conversation really opened up my eyes and made me think. I decided, why not, and broadened my search to include males. Mid-december I began talking to Marty. We began dating in January, I immediately stopped my search, and overall life has been good.
Need to take a break from writing, but I will add more later.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.
Me: F, 30's, bi.
Sadist: my fwb. M, 30's.
Pandora: Sadist's gf. F, 30's.
|children, communication, frustration, metamour, needs and wants, secondary, time management|