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Old 04-06-2012, 09:18 AM
RockBird RockBird is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Default I dont know if this is the right place but...

Hello Every one, I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this as this is a sorta me sharing a story and at the same time asking for some advice, I don't know if this is even the right website and I hope I don't offend in anyway. I guess I sort of just need a place to vent where i can speak freely without anyone judging the person just because they are interested in starting a poly relationship. I guess with that sort of out of the way I can start

When I first entered college I met this lovely girl for the first time, We had hit it off pretty well and everything was going swell, rather quickly i had told her that i was interested in her, As I had a tendency of dropping into the friend zone for my nature and cause i'm not the best looking coke bottle out there. well we hit it off and we starting the slow and enjoyable process of courtship, She was honest before we started dating that she had depression and ADD (clinically not just word of mouth) but I was smitten and for me no amount of work is too much for the person you care for.

well it certainly was quite some work. Her family also had depression and they really didn't teach her alot of things in the ways of manners or socializing, as opposed to my family which was all about how to present yourselves and how to handle yourself in public, but i took that all in stride, and after about 2 years she had learned the basics of how to handle yourself in large family gatherings. through it all I also helped her organize her studies as well as made sure she actually got her work done. all that sort of stuff, sure there where the occasional fights and arguments, but never anything large or big deal, we had said from the very start we would try to talk everything over and reach a calm conclusion without getting into heated arguments, and we had managed that...

I live in an apartment with my best friend from high school who i've known for about 5 years now, a truer friend you couldnt ask for and honest to boot, Whenver I'd have a tough time he would be the guy i would talk to and i would always be his helping hand whenever he had doubts. around 2 years into my relationship my gf told me privately that She thought she had feelings for my friend and felt horrible about them. she said she felt like she was betraying my trust and she did not know what to do. I calmed her down and told her that it's not her fault if she started getting feelings for some one else and stuff like that becouse we're young and these things can happen, I told her that I still loved her and that did not change anything, and if she really did want to continue these feelings that she had for my friend, she could break up with me, give me some time, then feel free to date him once i've managed to get used to the idea, (or go ahead and do it behind my back till i got used to it) because Hey, We're young and I refused to let two people i care about not have a chance to see if they have that sort of spark just because me and my then girl friend did not.

well she chose not to do this and we continued our relationship for another year, during this time she discovered polyamory and begin realizing that might be a way of life for her she didn't tell me that directly but she did talk about these people and asked me for my opinion, to which I responded, "Hey, If it makes them happy that's great, every one deserves a chance for happiness, doesn't seem like my cup of tea though."

well right at around our third year of being together my girlfriend told me that she has decided she does wish to try a poly relationship, with me and my best friend/housemate. she came to me with her reasons, how she's always felt that she would have to push away the people she liked when she liked some one else because she was afraid of being judged as well as how she thought she just wasn't thought i put so much effort into her that she thinks one person shouldn't have to go through with that, she said that her perfect type of relationship would be a poly v with her as the...er well the one with the two people, I apologize I'm not good with the specific's

I told her that if this was what she had realized that I had no right to stop her from her happiness, but that I could not be part of the poly, She asked me for many reasons and though i tried I couldn't really say a "strong enough reason" for her, even now i can't properly explain it myself. For me being Poly is similar to being bisexual Gay or lesbian, Perfectly ok and that person has all the right to find love in their own way, it's just not a path i myself am comfortable with. So i told her this and well for the most part it sucked all around, I still care for her very much, I did a lot for her but I know for sure a poly life isn't for me. She's told me that she's going to wait a few months (around 3-4 she told me) before she started actively flirting with my housemate, But I honestly don't know how I'm going to deal. Logically I'm happy that my ex managed to quickly find some one who would be willing to be in a poly v with her so quickly, and i know my friend is a good man who will make her happy, as well as the fact that my friend is a generally shy guy who normally doesn't even talk to girls that much... It's weird to feel so logically at peace yet so sad at the same time.

I know I'm young and that I'll find some one else, I don't wish to sound like a drama king about how life is horrible or anything like that. I know this is a rather large rant but Im unable to properly talk about this to anyone else in my life, most of my family don't really think that kind of stuff is appropriate and nor do most of my friends, And I don't wish to say anything that might risk my ex's comfort being around other people as she's not so sure about her wanting to tell every one she wants to try poly....so I came here where there are people who would not judge her based on her choices so i could simply rant about my feelings... any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated.... I guess one of my main questions is... how should a mono who's ex became a poly with his best friend handle the fact that they will both be in his house for the majority of the time with him...Sorry I just needed a place to let this all out. sorry for the grammar mistakes.
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