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Old 04-04-2012, 06:33 PM
Heropsychodream Heropsychodream is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 13
Default New spouse wants sex with Saudi Virgin

I come to polyamory.com and seek advice for my current situation. I am a married (for 8 months) man who is 24. My wife is 22. We are heterosexual and have no history of "cheating". We have been together now for a little under 3.5 years. We are not religious

As a liberal anthropology grad student, I know that polyamory exists all over the world and no form of relationship is "natural". I let her know from the get-go that I was not jealous in any way and that a sex act was just an act and that it wouldn't bother me. I said this because I am a feminist and don't like the idea of controlling a woman's sexuality. Plus I figured it would never come up anyway; the surest way to have something happen is to ban someone from doing it.

3 weeks ago she asked me if I was really okay with it and said that she was thinking about having sex with random men on the internet. After talking deep into the night I changed my mind and decided that that act (which doesn't disgust me in any way and in fact, done right it might be a turn on) would create a host of other issues that could possibly come up. How much happiness do we stand to gain as a couple from this excursion, what do we risk? She initially railed against my decision but in the end agreed.

This last weekend I went on a work related trip and left her home alone with Ahmed, a saudi student who was renting out our spare room for 5 days until he got situated in the states. I met him and liked him. During my trip however, my wife developed feelings for him and him for her. No sex took place. She now wants to have a sexual relationship with this 19 year old student and claims that she has an insatiable sexual appetite and by not doing it she isn't being "true to herself". She says that she loves me and wants to be with me forever (kids and all that) and that this is a temporary thing to get it out of her system.

The problem is that she maintains this stance while strictly denying my sexual freedom. Over the years in our relationship she has cracked down on my casual internet pornography interest and has forbade me from looking at other women naked or in real life in a sexual way. Masturbation is also taboo (although she masturbates several times a week openly in the evenings). The idea of me being with another woman mortifies her. She knows she is being hypocritical but says she can't help how she feels. She also refuses to be open with me about the messages and conversations she has with this man... I've never asked to read her phone messages before (even though she checks mine at least once a week) so I was shocked to hear that she wouldn't allow me to check hers fully.

So it comes to this; my marriage is still young and I feel like it is going great and so does she but she still wants more. She is pressuring me to make a decision on this fast and they (ahmed and her) are sexting back and forth (I gave her permission but only because I needed to buy some time to seek advice). My stance on an open relationship is that I think it would be sexy to watch another couple or swing with acquaintances but this one sided stuff makes me nervous. This saudi kid is a virgin and thinks he is in love with her because in their culture they get no contact with women.

I am in trouble and need help. Someone respond please!

Last edited by Heropsychodream; 04-04-2012 at 10:01 PM.
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cultural differences, religion, religious, religious differences

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