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Old 11-25-2009, 02:30 AM
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River River is offline
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Sheesh! .... I suppose what ultimately matters here is how good the relationship is regardless of these complications. That's what I'm not getting a sense of in the conversation, thus far, and so it makes it real hard to put the weirdness in perspective. How good are you with one another? Are you very much in love? Do you really, really love one another? Or is there a lot of drama and weirdness? Have you had solid, not-so-wierd-or-dramatic relationships? Has she? Do you guys really want to play out rather wierd power play games? And, yes, I know it can be lighthearted play-- but is it?
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Old 11-25-2009, 05:09 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Um... DITTO River.

I had ALL those same questions. Look forward to an answer.
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Old 11-25-2009, 08:55 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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First of all - answer or don't, but I'm curious. How old are you two? I'm guessing very early 20's if that, probably 17-20. NOT KNOCKING you in any way, whether I"m right or wrong. It's just that the issues and the questions seem... Inexperienced. It matters in that some advice will be different based on age and experience, and rightly so.

Getting away from that... I think my perspective is a very interesting blend of the two of you, lol. Most of my relationships have been with bi or (formerly) lesbian women. I have ZERO issue with them having girls on the side, be it "just a fuck" or a full-blown relationship or anything in between. Just doesn't phase me, no jealousy, nothing but "have fun sweety". :shrug: The fact that most of these girls were not onay with me having other girls made perfect sense to me - I was less than thrilled about them having other guys; girls weren't competition. So I get where she's coming from there, and Ceoli can chew me out for it, lol.

I have recently had to bend my brain around the idea that other men can be okay too. Not because it's come up in the relationship, but because Violet lets me have other women. And though it took a lot of convincing for me to decide it really was okay, since that's been acted on - more than once - I have to come to grips with the issue in my head; namely, if she DID decide she wanted another guy but wanted to keep me around, I feel that it should be okay, lest I be a hypocrite (worst sin possible in my book).

I know, I know - don't change who ou are, blah blah - but it matters to me A LOT. So - to relate this to the OP's situation...

Well, you're straight. She's bi. though ome here say that for a truly bisexual person there should be no difference, I disagree. Bisexuals get twice the theoretical action by default. And I do NOT believe that because they get to have a dedicated relationship with one gender while having involvement with the other as well, that they should "have to" allow a "straight" partner dalliences that they do not with whichever gender. Clear as mud, hope ya'll got it, lol.

On to other issues - of which there seem to be many. If she feels it's cheating despite your assurances, than she needs to not do it, lol. If she feels that you being physically involved is not okay because it's cheating, than she shouldn't be bringing you in to the situation. There are instances where this would "make sense" or "be okay" - but on a level of understanding each others needs, desires, and drives that I am decidecly NOT sensing is there with you two yet.

*sigh* I'm getting long. I'll try to clarify later, lol.
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Old 11-25-2009, 02:21 PM
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LifesRogue LifesRogue is offline
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Amen to that.

I can see several of these sides but I feel the exact same way about it as HappiestManAlive.

If I had not married my husband, I would not have had a male as a life partner but would still have been very much poly. I would have had a female main and probably a male second at different times in life.

What I found in my husband is what very well your woman could have found in you: her other half or that which makes her whole.

Being a bi woman, I look at people as an over all and there are very few ppl I find emotionally attractive enough to involved with (only personally ofcourse)

My experience is this:
male or female, if you find the person that makes u happy in life, it doesnt matter what gender. if they complete u (relationship speaking) and are a pillar to you in some form or fashion, then there is a connection that should not be judged.

I had not ever been with another man sexually before my husband either (had dated tho) but darn well did not use him to justify my sexuality. Im bi, not completely lesbian, why would I need to justify that to myself (If I were in this situation ofcourse) Its a wonderful balance that if you are in a loving relationship and understand eachothers needs, works even better because she is bi (imho of course) because of the fact that if you are both poly, she is probably going to seek relationship partners based on emotional and character, not gender.
"There are countless ingredients that make up the human body and mind, like all the components that make up me as an individual with my own personality. Sure, I have a face and voice to distinguish myself from others, but my thoughts and memories are unique only to me, and I carry a sense of my own destiny. Each of those things are just a sm part of it. I collect information to use in my own way. All of that blends to create a mixture that forms me and gives rise to my conscience." 2ndGig
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