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Old 03-28-2012, 09:27 PM
mostlyclueless mostlyclueless is offline
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Default Do you cycle in and out of feeling more or less desire for new partners?

I have absolutely no desire for any other partners right now. I know in every long-term relationship I have ever been in, it was just a matter of time until I did, and because of that and a variety of other reasons, poly seemed like the right way to go.

I feel like it would make a lot of things in my primary relationship better if I could just get there. It feels so ironic to me that my desire for other partners was always a problem in all my mono relationships, and now it's not happening.

I would be interested to hear other people's experiences -- if you pretty much always feel ready to take on someone new should they come along, or if most of the time you like things how they are, however they are?
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Old 03-29-2012, 01:33 AM
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Alleycat Alleycat is offline
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For me it seems to be seasonal;
Durring the winter I might keep an eye out for a potential new partner, but I seldom actively presue anything that might catch my interest, durring the spring and summer months however I'm positively on the hunt for new skin and new headspace to get attached to, and in some cases I might burn thru two or three short term partners before fall hits, by fall I calm down normally and start to really settle in with whomever has ended up with me.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:16 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mostlyclueless View Post
I would be interested to hear other people's experiences -- if you pretty much always feel ready to take on someone new should they come along, or if most of the time you like things how they are, however they are?
Well, being open to multiple partners isn't like collecting souvenir spoons. You don't always have to be on the hunt for the next shiny new one.

It's possible to be happy with the loves you have and never want any more than that. It's kind of silly to think that just because I am non-monogamous and a larger world of possibilities is now open to me, that I have to act upon every one. I can try to go "shopping" for new partners and FWBs so that I fit whatever idea I have of what practicing poly is "supposed to" look like, or I can just appreciate opportunities as they happen and let things develop organically. Sometimes I put lots of effort into meeting people, but that gets exhausting. So I like to take breaks and see what happens naturally for a while. Usually, the more meaningful or satisfying relationships happen when I'm not looking for them, anyway.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-29-2012 at 02:18 AM.
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Old 03-30-2012, 07:04 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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"Usually, the more meaningful or satisfying relationships happen when I'm not looking for them, anyway."

Absolutely always the case for me. I just don't bother looking. People come into my life on their own terms.
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:33 AM
noob noob is offline
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That's me!

My primary N and I have been officially poly for about a year, and for most of it, I've always been "looking"--it really didn't matter how many people I was seeing, I always felt open to someone or something else. The most relationships I ever had at once was four, but I could really only maintain three "serious" ones. I had my two secondary relationships end early this year and one begin at just about the same time (with J), and ever since that relationship started with J, I'm really very satisfied and not looking for anyone. I end up canceling every date I set; I'm just not interested. It scared me at first and I worried I wasn't poly anymore

But I actually think I'm just happy where I'm at, for once, and there's no need to look. J feels very similarly; we're both open to another relationship should it occur, but neither of us feels compelled to seek anyone else out. We don't really want anyone else right now. I felt this, really, almost as soon as I met him--I think this is ok.

My advice is just feel good about where you are, even if it's different from where you've been in the past. I think not looking usually means your needs are being met. Having your needs met is never bad
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