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Old 03-27-2012, 09:28 PM
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OkNewbs OkNewbs is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
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Question Fear; advice?

Things are going smoothly with B, though we haven't crossed any physical lines yet. Beyond a big 3-way cuddle, which is new territory but not really a big deal.

I'm thrilled with the pace & we had the "rules" talk & we're all clear on everything. It's all going well.

I'm having a bit of difficulty adjusting to the concept tho. Hubbs & I are at a very secure point in our marriage, I KNOW he's not going anywhere. He had many chances to bail, even a short separation that I demanded. He's in our marriage 10000%. As am I. Giving poly a go was a very thoughtful decision between us.

But I'm having a hard time not letting my personal past color my feelings. Hubbs is the first good & healthy relationship I've really ever had with a man. So now a part of me, deep in my brain, is just so sure that I'm just asking for the marriage to fall apart.

I know rationally that that's not an issue. We communicate so well & often. He shows me constantly how much he loves me & how IN LOVE he is with me. I'm not worried about them being lovey, or even about the sex. I'm fine with respecting their privacy. I'm not worried about lies or anything. Still cautious & will be for quite a while as this is brand new, but not suspicious.

Honestly, I think it really boils down to insecurities. I'm afraid B is "better" than me. Which, again, is irrational. I know that. But rationality & emotion are not entirely compatible all the time.

Those of you who have dealt with this type of thing, how did you handle it? I'm not asking anyone to "fix" me or anything like that. Just your experiences?
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fear, insecurities, lessons, new dynamic, triad

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