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  #11  
Old 03-27-2012, 02:46 AM
Jade Jade is offline
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"That's the thing, we have had a conversation about poly but their actions seem to be differing from what they say they want. The first 'date' we had we all talked about how empty the swinger scene seemed & how we all wanted relationships not meaningless sex."

That's a good starting point. The cues you're getting from them can mean different things: we just had a fight, one of us or both is uncertain, one of us got jealous because we were hit over the head with "hey, you don't do that with me" thoughts... or even something as mundane as, it was a really bad day Friday, and we should have just stayed home. You won't know unless you ask.

I hope that whatever shape your relationship takes, it is beneficial to all of you
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  #12  
Old 03-27-2012, 06:23 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyCurious4 View Post
At the end of the evening when we thought we were all going to say our goodbyes and he did kiss me Hubby relayed to me that she turned away because evidently it was uncomfortable for her.
So yes you two couples should to have clear discussions with your spouses about PDAs, and then you four should talk about your feelings on the matter (heck even in an email) so you can see if your comfort levels overlap, and everybody is on the same page.

FYI, your Husband shouldn't assume she turned away because she was uncomfortable. When I am right there when my husband gives somebody a goodnight kiss, I look away to give them privacy. Maybe she was uncomfortable, but there are other explanations, which is why being on the same page will be so useful.
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  #13  
Old 03-27-2012, 06:28 PM
PolyCurious4 PolyCurious4 is offline
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Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
FYI, your Husband shouldn't assume she turned away because she was uncomfortable. When I am right there when my husband gives somebody a goodnight kiss, I look away to give them privacy. Maybe she was uncomfortable, but there are other explanations, which is why being on the same page will be so useful.
Thank you! I just shared with Hubby and he agreed he could have completely misread her because he didn't ask.

There is so much we need to learn in this arena. We're very thankful that we are all on the same page as far as miscommunications - as the female counterpart said recently "this is how we grow".

We did have a discussion last night that cleared up a LOT of grey areas. Still more to talk about but a good start. There had seemed to be an imbalance between interests/attention given between she & Hubby vs. he and I. He and I were able to clarify where we stood so far - we like each other, enjoy one another's company and very pleased with the pace we're going. Hubby was able to clarify that she's not a fan of pleasantries via text (ie: Hope you have a great day) because she feels they are filler and said to receive a response back whereas Hubby is a southern gent and it's how he relays that he cares about you to show attention. So they have figured out a communication level they are both comfortable with and one that she feels is genuine.

She also clarified for Hubby where he stood - that she likes him more than the sexual aspect and we're all on the same page that we'd like to see where this grows organically without a roadmap of what 'should' come next.

Hubby is also comfortable knowing that she and he may not always been on the same page as her Hubby and I are.

We'll slowly get it. I would feel more comfortable addressing the other questions about pda and wants/needs in person - seems easier to convey tone, body language etc.. in person. So that's next on the list.

My OP was about jealousy and I think hearing in clear cut language where I stand with him has helped with my jealousy a great deal.
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  #14  
Old 03-27-2012, 06:39 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyCurious4 View Post
Hubby is also comfortable knowing that she and he may not always been on the same page as her Hubby and I are.
Good, because having a goal of two couples always being equal in how they feel about each other is just plain impossible. Every individual has ebbs and flows in their emotions and each dyad will have its own dynamic. It's not a race nor competition. So, it's good that you all talked about everything.
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