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Old 03-26-2012, 09:31 PM
adrift adrift is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 26
Default Day 11

Today was sluggish. I went to work for a few hours then back to bed lol and slept for a while. But I had a good day lounging on the couch, mostly recovering from yesterday. I had some ugly thoughts on annd off throughout the day about Nancy and Hardy, wondering what they were doing, not thinking about how my libido was screaming at me and feeling unwanted. I struggled a lot with not liking being left home alone. I kept thinking how much I wanted what they were having and how it sucked that they were working on their bond and I'm left in the dust. Blah blah feeding my insecurities blah.

There was a few times I glared at my phone, like that would do me any good.

But the night ended well for me. I went out later with some friends, drank and had a great time laughing and spending time with them. It reminded me of why I needed this time too. I needed to have my time without worrying about who I was leaving behind at home. I forgot how much I did need that. So the brave thing I did, which happened late in the day, was stop indulging my bad fantasies of how they like to hurt me. (I must sound like a crazy person.) Turns out while I was drinking and laughing, I missed a call from my partners. It was nice to know they were thinking of me and wanted to talk to me, even though by the time I got it, it was too late. But it still made me feel wanted and I heard their voices on voicemail so that was something. At least I will see them tomorrow.
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facing fears, self-growth

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