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  #1  
Old 03-23-2012, 05:03 PM
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bastet bastet is offline
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Default Jealousy into Compersion?

Husband had his date yesterday afternoon. It went very well. This was with (let's give her a name because it looks like this is going to turn into something) Fawn. They talked for hours, connected really well. She was interested in his life/relationship story. She was open about hers. Which isn't poly and she is single currently but bisexual. Her last partner was a woman. He seemed genuinely happy last night after coming home. Excited, fully of possibilities and confidence. I was full of love and relief that his experience was so positive yet his own. It felt really good.

This is not how I felt much of the time he was on the date. The four hours he wasn't home I felt waves (not huge ones but pangs) of jealousy, self doubt (what the hell am I doing?), and then get a hold of yourself woman this is going to be ok. I know that jealousy is normal, its not to be ashamed of.

Yet, I was surprised by the rush of happy once he walked in the door and was glowing. The jealousy went skittering away and hearing about his date was pleasurable, warm like we were sharing something special. Which we were.

Is this compersion? Does the jealousy still come even though you feel the joy for your partner? I will search this too but just wondering what the current thoughts are.

thanks!
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Old 03-23-2012, 05:11 PM
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i found the discussion on jealousy vs. envy. very enlightening.
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Old 03-23-2012, 10:18 PM
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Yeah, I would say that's what you felt. Compersion is something you kinda do better at with practice. It don't come in an instant for most people. Though some pick up the skill faster than others, and yet there are others that never are able to figure it out at all. I guess it's just like any other skill in life, I suppose!
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Old 03-23-2012, 11:55 PM
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I definitely think the two things can coexist. When he was physically away from you, on the date, it was new and scary, and jealousy thrives on uncertainty and fear. But when you saw him, saw his happiness and knew he was still with you, you felt his love for you and yours for him and knew that him being with someone else wasn't changing that, and compersion thrives on trust and love.
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Old 03-26-2012, 06:33 PM
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Thank you Annabel and RfromRMC.

Its clear there is no straight path but I suppose that this is expected as life isn't neat and pretty. Why should this be any different than the rest of existence. When its all shiny and new its hard to remember that its not linear and life is long.
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