Living. Learning. One Day at a Time.

[dingedheart]

So you gave up your photography hobby because it bothered her?


I'm interested as to why you're on the fence. My reasons were 1) possibility of the whole thing being a fad...more work, more trouble, she get hurt or rejected, etc 2) kids finding out 3) additive like crack or something ..really fall in love with a better person, better lover, better communicator 4) time ...


However, I did have moments when I thought ...I should go for that....she's hitting on me and she's hot ...I could easily do this...I could date her no problem she was newly divorced. And consequently I ran into her out after the holidays and she invited me to a Superbowl party... ...at her new boyfriends house blew that opportunity.

[Finney]

I didn't ask him to give up the whole hobby, merely one item of subject matter that cut too close to issues from my previous relationship. I brought it up early and stated my case when we started dating seriously, when I knew it would, unfortunately, cause issues for me dealing with trust and honesty.

Many moons ago, and now, no longer something I fear. Time heals, as does my trust in Firehaus from years of being together.

[dingedheart]

Originally Posted by Finney

Time heals, as does my trust in Firehaus from years of being together.

Did Firehaus violate your trust early in the relationship?

Trust in terms of cheating or having an affair?

He's now free to photograph nudes, create erotica, or porn and your excited to see where this takes him creatively or socially? or both?

Are you encouraging him to find partners ...out of fairness or to supplement the lack of physical intimacy the 2 of you have.

[firehaus]

Originally Posted by dingedheart

Did Firehaus violate your trust early in the relationship?

No.

Originally Posted by dingedheart

Trust in terms of cheating or having an affair?

No.

Originally Posted by dingedheart

He's now free to photograph nudes, create erotica, or porn and your excited to see where this takes him creatively or socially? or both?

Finney, is excited to see what comes of this. My photography is not likely to end up in any category that could be labeled "porn" but certainly "erotic".

Originally Posted by dingedheart

Are you encouraging him to find partners ...out of fairness or to supplement the lack of physical intimacy the 2 of you have.

She is encouraging me to make connections as she has/is. These new connections may or may not lead to relationships that involve sex. Yes, when I initially created this thread I was worried about a variety of things. The list of things I'm worried about grows smaller each day. We had a lack of physical intimacy which is not the case now. A lot of discussion has taken place between us over the past weeks and as a result this shouldn't be a problem by itself going forward.

Living and learning. Taking a deep breath when needed.

[firehaus]

When she speaks of trust, I think she means that she trusts we will work together. Making sure we are both taken care of, respected, heard, and loved.

[dingedheart]

Sorta funny I ask a question of one and the other answers you are a long time couple... and it shows


The variety of things you were worried about are those the things you mentioned that have you on the fence about finding your own extra partner? And thus that list of reasons is shrinking day by day.

[firehaus]

Originally Posted by dingedheart

Sorta funny I ask a question of one and the other answers you are a long time couple... and it shows

We have been together a long time. That said I have a habit of finishing her sentences for her and I am definitely working on not doing that. Also she wasn't too keen on diving into this forum.

Originally Posted by dingedheart

The variety of things you were worried about are those the things you mentioned that have you on the fence about finding your own extra partner? And thus that list of reasons is shrinking day by day.

Yes, that is a fair assessment/assumption. I was concerned that her time would be split too much and with a young boy at home to take care our togetherness time would be too little. I'm not feeling that this is going to be the case. Yes, time is limited but it seems that there will be enough. I'm going to leave this at: I'm not going to actively pursue a partner for myself but I'm leaving myself open to the idea somewhere down the road.

[dingedheart]

Sounds like you have a great mindset. I wish you both luck in this.

There aren't a large number of success stories in this type transition so keep us posted whatever the case may be...pop in from time to time.

Good luck D