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Old 03-22-2012, 11:26 AM
TreeStar TreeStar is offline
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Default Done lurking, ready to talk :)

Hi, everyone. Long time lurker, first time posterÖsort of! I made a profile late last year, but never used it, and then I forgot my password (woops!). So, new profile time! Also, Iím having an insomnia night (morning, really) due to a cold that letís me sleep at the oddest times. So, Iíll try to keep this as simple and non-ramble-y as possible, despite the influence of meds.

In short, Iím a straight, single 30-year-old woman living in California. Iíve been actively poly for only a few months now, making strides into my local community, and meeting new people. Right now I have no partners. Finding people you can trust, who have an interest beyond just casual sex, has been a bit challenging. Before all this, I was in a long-term monogamous relationship, and was giving polyamory serious thought for almost a year before we broke up. But this was never something I discussed with my boyfriend. Eventually, I came to the decision that poly wouldnít work for us. So, rather than ad one more struggle to our dying relationship, I had the good sense to end it, and weíve both been better off since. Iím happy to be single, and will probably stay that way for a while.

And thatís my little back-story! Looking forward to using this forum, and getting to know you all
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  #2  
Old 03-22-2012, 11:51 AM
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FrankLee FrankLee is offline
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Default Welcome

This is a good place to clarify what it all means. I've discovered that Polyamory is an umbrella term covering many lifestyles. Among them, there is probably something that feels right for each person.

Last edited by FrankLee; 03-22-2012 at 11:54 AM. Reason: Trying to insert signature picture
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Old 03-22-2012, 11:56 AM
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FrankLee FrankLee is offline
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Default Welcome

Hope this forum helps.
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Frank is an unattached recovering monogamist, poly dating straight male.
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  #4  
Old 03-22-2012, 04:53 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hello there! A fellow straight solo woman here, welcoming you.

It's true that it is challenging to find men who don't equate poly with just keeping it all casual, but they are out there. Unfortunately, I have seen the horrified looks on guys when they realize that being poly doesn't mean I want to get it on with another woman in front of them and that I actually want more than one penis in my life! What a slut! Grrr. Eventually, you will come up with a snappy answer and not waste your time on the thickheaded clods.

I also do not limit myself to just my local poly community (for one, there aren't many in my local groups that are attractive to me), so I rarely use the word polyamory when meeting people. In fact, sometimes I even feel silly using the word with poly people. Anyway, I just say I'm not looking for exclusivity, and if we get into more of a conversation I explain that I do hope to have ongoing, loving relationships. It's always good to get clear on how people define certain words like "commitment," "relationship," "love," etc.

So many of the poly community is already married or partnered, so I started a thread a while back where solo poly peeps can discuss what kinds of things we're looking for. Feel free to contribute: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4338
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Old 03-24-2012, 05:02 AM
TreeStar TreeStar is offline
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It's so true, nycindie! & I'd love to contribute to your thread
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Old 03-24-2012, 02:50 PM
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Octovus Octovus is offline
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Thumbs up My thoughts

I know you only wrote a short message, so maybe that's why I have this question.

First, I wouldn't assume that any guy you might date would NOT be OK with it (i.e. like NYC there said, looking in the existing poly community may not be the way to find someone).

Second, when you find a good guy (or two, or woman, or whatever!) that you are interested in being more than casual with, you need to have a clear idea in your head and a clear idea to explain what you want to them. Because yup saying "I'm poly" will come out as "casual sex" in many people's brains. (Whereas maybe you really mean...I seek out up to X # of committed 1-1 relationships at the same time...I would like to have 1 primary relationship but other casual ones...I would, whatever.)

Basically be able to explain a potential goal or two beyond the mono world. I would think that, for any guy/gal worth having, that real-world explanation will get you far and will make the "reveal" far less scary :-)

-A
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