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Old 03-23-2012, 03:36 AM
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AJoy AJoy is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Alaska
Posts: 36
Default Balancing time and nurturing all

I came into the idea of a poly relationship by surprise around a year ago when my sister shared her interest in pursuing a relationship with a woman in addition to her marriage. I had a new friend at the time who I was extremely attracted to physically and emotionally.

Our friendship became closer over the course of the last year, and I expressed my attraction and affection toward her gently/casually on several occasions. During this time, I also spoke openly with my fiance about my feelings regarding her, and he and I started reading a book about these kinds of relationships together and discussion what we could live with. He and I have a relationship with very open communication.

Just about a month ago now, she and I had an evening get together with drinks, and ended up sleeping together. We both came out of it, very excited and nervous, but have since both acknowledged and participated in a physical and loving relationship, that has become very close very quickly. We spent a week together when our men were out of state visiting family (with their knowledge), and it was absolutely amazing... every part of it.. especially the going to bed and waking up together.

My fiance and she are friends. She and I are friends, and now I guess more. She is my matron of honor. I am trying to learn to be friends with her husband (who is a really great guy), but I'm a bit shy and he's got a quiet personality. The four of us hang out regularly. My fiance and her husband both have a slight expressed interest in watching she and I have sex, though she and I have no interest in sharing that really and the guys seem okay with it. my feelings for her have very rapidly become just as strong as my feelings for my fiance, though different.

So my point... All of this is very wonderful and amazing. I never knew that a life like this could exist for me, but I'm also very confused. I don't know if I'm straight or not (or if that even matters). I know I'm not inclined toward others in general... since I've met my fiance, I have zero interest in other men, and until this point, I've had zero interest in women other than some experimenting that really just made me feel bad about myself when I was younger. I feel that my fiance and her are individuals that I have connected with very deeply, and it has much more to do with them specifically than any inclination toward a particular sex that I may have. Again, I'm very confused, scared something will go wrong (because everything honestly seems too good to be true), and full of questions.

How do I balance the time for two relationships that I care equally about?

How do I make sure my fiance doesn't feel insecure (which he has had moments of)?

Will the new relationship excitement calm down (which I think plays a role in making my fiance feel insecure)?

I miss her terribly when I don't get to see her every day...how do I work with this?

I resent not being able to act affectionately toward her in public (we have public roles and live in a fairly small town). Is there a way for me to deal with this?

I honestly wish we could live all together, or at least extremely close, which is a sentiment she shares, but not one shared by the men in our lives at this point. Is there a way to work toward this over time?

I know I have so many more questions, but I struggle so much at this point with keeping it all straight, that I'll leave it for now...I am so thankful this forum exists and I appreciate any wisdom that you can share with me. I have spoken openly to my mom and sister about this, but my mom can't relate and my sister is living out of the country and very hard to get in touch with at this point.

Thanks!
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