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  #11  
Old 11-23-2009, 07:39 PM
windmarkbob windmarkbob is offline
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Default 'Nuff Said...

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  #12  
Old 11-23-2009, 07:45 PM
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Sorry to hear it 'bob. You have people here willing to listen if you want to say more, maybe help you find a silver lining.
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  #13  
Old 11-23-2009, 07:54 PM
windmarkbob windmarkbob is offline
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Default where to start

Sheesh, where to start. He took his pleasure with my lovely wife, then said he felt like he cheated on his wife, and stopped everything from going any further...to make light of the situation, I was the only one who didn't get laid.

On a more serious note...he has basically said it's unacceptable that she feel romantic love toward anyone but him.
I'm out, and it's hurting both of us.

Last edited by windmarkbob; 11-30-2009 at 09:53 PM.
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  #14  
Old 11-23-2009, 08:58 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I can't even tell you how much bullshit this is!! I definitely wouldn't have anything thing to do with this guy ever again.... (maybe one last "conversation") He used your wife for sex...I hope your she is doing ok.

Sorry to hear about this ..... this guy is a fucking asshole , he doesn't own his wife. If she wants to have contact with you he'll just have to deal with it or drag his double standard ass back to his momma's house. His fucking your wife doesn't mean she should have to suffer the loss of a friend.

Take care
Mono
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  #15  
Old 11-23-2009, 09:24 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by windmarkbob View Post
Sheesh, where to start. He took his pleasure with my lovely wife, then said he felt like he cheated on his wife, and stopped everything from going any further...to make light of the situation, I was the only one who didn't get laid.

On a more serious note...he has basically said no more contact between me and his wife and it's unacceptable that she feel romantic love toward anyone but him...so much for our Friday night bullshit sessions throwing darts...that is ending.

I'm out, and it's hurting both of us.
Oh, bloody hell! If I could afford a trip to WI right now, I'd come visit and kick the dude's ass for you. That sort of behavior warrants a thorough ass-kicking.
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  #16  
Old 11-23-2009, 09:28 PM
windmarkbob windmarkbob is offline
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Default News...if you care to hear.

Okay...he is feeling like crap for what happened. He wants us all to remain friends, he *says* he's okay with his wife and I still throwing darts on friday nights (she told him that was non-negotiable), and he's falling all over himself apologizing now. He's saying some really weird stuff though. Stuff like, "he's damaged something innocent and pure within his own marriage". His wife's in a tough situation, and regardless of the bullshit he pulled, he's still human and he's dealing with something that's so far out of his comfort zone that he's struggling to figure out who he really is, since his intellect isn't matching his emotions. I don't think he's playing "head games" as much as I think, in this situation he's a "head case".

Having been there in the past with my own wife (I never did what he did) in regards to jealousy, and feeling a monstrous fear of loss, I do empathize with him to some degree. My wife is fine, she's hurt to the quick, and she will be going over to their place tonight to open up both barrels and flay his soul by letting him know exactly how he hurt her and what she thinks about what he did. I'm glad I'm not in his shoes. His wife will probably just go sit at a coffee shop for an hour or so so they can have their chat and my wife can get some closure by calling a spade a spade, so to speak. This needs to be between them, and them alone at this point.

I'll be there for her when she's done with him and I'll be there for his wife if she ever needs a friend, an ear or a shoulder. But I really do want to maintain the friendship and the love of his wife...we'll respect his wishes and experience "courtly love"...I so frigging hate that term and what it really is. Whoever romanticized the ideal of courtly love was a moron considering how much it royally SUX to be living it.

Thanks for letting me vent here...glad I found this forum, since there really isn't anyone I know who I really can vent to like this. Oh, I could with my wife, or my girlfriend or her husband, but it just woudn't be the same and I'd be too busy watching for signs I'd said something hurtful inadvertently, and have to stop and rephrase...this is better. I really want to put up a wall, look at my girlfriend and say, "It's beyond my control", but I can't hurt her or me like that. Yes, I've seen Dangerous Liaisons one too many times.

Take care.

Last edited by windmarkbob; 11-23-2009 at 10:00 PM.
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  #17  
Old 11-23-2009, 11:45 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Someone told me once that men make friends with women in the hopes to fuck them, women fuck men in order to deepen their friendships with men. I have noticed this to be true several time in my life and have almost relied on it when sleeping with someone for the first time. I always remain slightly aloof as a result until I know for sure they are actually seriously interested in more with me than sex. There have been times when I have purposely slept with guys I am not really interested in in terms of romance but just to get past the whole sex thing to get on with being friends.

Right now I enjoy that the men in my poly community don't have access to me in that way. I am deriving some pleasure from it. I am finding poly men want to be my friend first! Imagine that! I still wonder if we got that sex thing out of the way if they would want to be still. I will not know that I guess.

Anyway, my point is that I am surprised that anyone would be surprised that his reaction was as such. He thought he could do it without recourse and that it would fun and maybe he loved her. No problem, he isn't poly. Why make him feel like shit for it. He's mono. End of story. He feels bad but will stick to his wife thank you very much. One never knows how these things will turn out until they are done.

I don't think your wife should take it personally. Its really nothing to do with her. Lesson learned, put out and see where it goes. If it increases a connection then go with it if its working, if not then let it go as just see it as an experiament, an interesting and a good time. I know that sounds horrible but it worked for me. Saved me a lot of heart ache.
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  #18  
Old 11-24-2009, 01:23 AM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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If it was me, I'd be mighty pissed. I'd try to step off for at least a week, most probably more. Just you watch what a week does to turn the lesson around as all parties get a minute to work their shit out.

Sorry, man. Your wife needs you as a friend right now. Focus on helping her, I'd say.

(Disclaimer-IMO all)

good luck-your support of her can heal you both if you let it.
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  #19  
Old 11-24-2009, 01:27 AM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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I see what the others are saying about your dart partner, but she's going to have to concentrate on the issues this raises for her right now. I didn't mean to indicate that she was unimportant by omitting her, but I stand by creating space here.

You seem to be doing a fine job being clear-headed.

Again, good luck.
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  #20  
Old 11-24-2009, 06:54 PM
windmarkbob windmarkbob is offline
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Default Last update...

Well, the more time we spend dealing with this, the more convinced I am that to some degree I'm a catalyst that has brought to light some long-term issues in their marriage. So, I'm minimizing the active drama in my life and putting the ball in both of their courts, cutting and running for now and ...at least to a more comfortable spot for me...into my wife's arms where I spend every night, and will spend every night til one of us croaks...damn, I married well!

Last edited by windmarkbob; 11-30-2009 at 10:00 PM.
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