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Old 03-21-2012, 09:31 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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To be clear, I wasn't criticizing your relationship. At all! Your story just made me think of how sad it can be sometimes to love someone so completely and the parameters of the relationship still has its difficulties. I don't think we should keep our feelings at bay. On the contrary, I think we should let our feelings soar.

But then, when we realize we have these deep feelings, like loving someone, we attach meaning to that. We then think our behavior and the behavior of those we love must change because of those feelings. Even though things were working fine just the way it was, before we realized we were in love. And sometimes the other aspects of human relationships are very painful or unworkable, no matter how much we love someone.

That is what I meant by "overrated." I wasn't pinpointing you and your relationship, specifically, but was thinking in general after reading so many people's stories and knowing my own. Love is not enough for a relationship to be satisfying and bring us happiness. It takes so much more. How many people try to make certain situations work "because I love him" and yet there is always the possibility that it might never work, or that it was working already but now love puts a layer of added expectation over everything. It's a sort of sobering and yet freeing realization for me. But maybe I'm not making any sense to you, so I will stop hijacking your thread now. I wish I could be of more help.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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