Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-17-2012, 05:14 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790

Kids come first.

If he was a single parent and his kid was sick, he'd cancel the date to take care of his kid. Co-parenting means the same - sick kids mean dates get canceled and kids come first.

I would and have been pissed over that.
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create

My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2012, 03:19 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,521

I haven't read all the other comments except the last so forgive the redundancy if thats the case. NO ...You're NOT crazy for thinking he's a selfish asshole. What the fuck was he thinkin????

UNFAIR ...really...WFT ...running an errand for his sick kid is unfair.... What is he 8. God I Hope the prick never gets sick. I can't comprehend this.

The most worrisome part of this is that you needed to ask the forum to validate this for you. I hope things haven't been twisted so that this type of shit becomes accepted. I'd keep a close eye on this type behavior....some people find it easy to blow off their kids events to satisfy some urge of the moment.

Good luck to you D
Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2012, 05:13 PM
PaperGrace PaperGrace is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 75

In the context of your recent two posts where you were dealing with some tough jealousy issues and then when you asked for a rule that if one of the triad is upset, then the other two shouldn't have sex, I'm wondering if the husband is conflating those events with the emergence of the sick child.

Perhaps you two could talk and you can help him separate the issues. He could need reassurance from you that they are unrelated. You probably want reassurance that he'll be more responsive in the future. You and he could strategize for the next time when sick kids are involved - and there will be a next time. If you both just anticipate and gear up for conflict when this happens again, it could make things worse. I hope your daughter is feeling better.
Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2012, 06:16 PM
Sugarbooger's Avatar
Sugarbooger Sugarbooger is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Crazytown
Posts: 30
Default Thanks for all of the feedback

Hey Everyone,

Thanks for the feedback. I think everyone had really thoughtful stuff to say and I really appreciated those who validated my feelings.

I also respected and agreed with AnnabelMore's response. No, it wasn't a super emergency, I just wanted him to come home to be an extra support in case she didn't sleep well, because I was soooooooo tiiiiiiiired. This new job is awesome, but is kicking my ass.

We ended up talking for a bit last night and he told me he posted on one of his favorite forums--and the feedback was that the wife was first, so he decided to come home. I told him I had come to a place of acceptance and it was really up to him to make the choice that was right for him. He still chose to come home.

Our daughter did not sleep well and he was able to tend to her while I slept, and I was really grateful. I emphasized that my request wasn't to cock block him, it was because I didn't want to do this alone. I understand my previous reactions would lead him to believe I was out to ruin his plans with our lover, but it wasn't. I told him about AM's post and how we needed to talk about some sort of protocol for sick kids. Sometimes it isn't the sickness that is so exhausting--it's the kid being sick PLUS me being tired PLUS doing the everyday stuff of parenting. We don't really have biological family supports to help us when one of us are sick or one of the kids are sick, so we really rely on one another when someone, anyone in this house isn't feeling well. It's taxing on us all.

I also really meditated on AM's point of me making this about sex. I wish I could just cut that part out of my brain. I know it is more than just that: it's about all of us making stronger connections with one another. That's why I run these things by the forum, because I know what I'm feeling isn't always rational, and I care enough about the triad to look at my part.

And my spouse is an awesome spouse. AWESOME--he does stuff for us all the time, so I apologize if I painted some sort of picture that he does this stuff often, he doesn't. He did after all, consent to my request to open our marriage up to our lover and is rather accepting of my poly identity. I just needed to know if my own thoughts were selfish. I feel part of them were-(when making it about sex) and some of them weren't-(by wanting help with our girl). It's just so weird to hear him say, "no" so firmly and so quickly, especially when one of the kids are involved.

She is feeling much better, btw.
"I know what I am, I know what you think I am, but I refuse to be that simple." - Nomy Lamm
Reply With Quote
Old 03-21-2012, 09:59 AM
FrankLee's Avatar
FrankLee FrankLee is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48
Default Interesting conversation...

Children come first. Tired and exhausted trumps a tryst. I'm impressed that you are so present and involved with life and people. The alternative is isolation and escape, sort of the life I'm living at the moment.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 06:11 PM.