Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-21-2012, 04:40 AM
broncolover11 broncolover11 is offline
New Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 4
Default Couple new to Poly looking for insight

I have been asked by my loving husband to come search out Poly sites to help me better understand the dynamics with the hope that I gain some introspection on other relationships and how they meld together.
My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married almost 2 years. For the past eight years we have been discussing the possibility of us having 3somes. I had been adamantly against them up until recently and it is not that he wore me down but it was more that I was comfortable in our relationship to explore that option.
I have some major trust issues and that is a result of a 14 year relationship that was built on falseness, unfaithfulness, betrayal and deceit. My ex was one that would sleep with anything that walked. We began our relationship when I was just 15 years old and thought he to be the “one”. Boy was I wrong on so many different levels. I had been naïve and blinded by what I thought was love. I was raised by my grandparents who had a very traditional marriage by all sense in the word. On a daily basis I witnessed love, devotion, affection and harmony. This is what I wanted my relationship to be like. Boy was I let down. We had a child at a very young age and I had been blinded by “love” and the sense of happily ever after. I had been for all senses been restricted in seeing my family and was told what, where, who and when, not allowed any friends of my own and complete isolation. He on the other hand was free to come and go as he pleased, party all night and pretty much sleep with whomever, which I had no clue of at the time. I believe that at the first I was completely oblivious to what was going on and as our relationship went on I had blinders on and did not want to see what was going on in front of me as that would shatter my sense of happily ever after and I did not want my child not to have a father in their life.
After the relationship ended I had no clue as to what I was going to do as I felt my entire world had just fallen apart. Everything that I had built was gone and non-salvageable and I did not see a future for myself as I had spent the last 14 years building a life or so I thought. I even contemplated suicide at one point.
I think that is enough about my past for now.
I had mentioned at one point to my husband that I had played around with a female when I was younger and of course that peaked his interest. I went into detail with him that we had been exploring and then we got caught by my mother, which in turn I got into trouble and felt shame for exploring and having fun. I have always thought inside the box and what is normal as that was how I was brought up. My husband is a free spirit and has no problem with fighting what is normal and thinking outside the box.
We have had a couple 3somes in the last couple of months and have found that one night stands are not for us. My husband asked me to do some research on Polyamory and all that it entails. At first I thought he had completely lost his mind. After some research I am coming around but still have a few issues.
We recently met a fabulous woman (We will call her K) who we both are hoping to build a long term relationship. My husband and K have very similar personalities and have expressed that they see the clear potential of what can be and I am struggling as I have a lot of issues that I need to deal with.
We have spent a few weekends with her and her with us along with our kids. Our first couple of times together we would have a ton to drink so that I could relax and let inhibitions run wild. I found that that caused more compounded issues and I was harder to deal with as I have a tendency to bottle things up and not be open about what I am or was feeling. My husband wants me to express myself and be open and honest with him. I have a hard time doing that as with my ex never want to hear about my feelings, thoughts and opinions. I know it is not fair to my husband and I am working on changing that and I know that there is a long road up ahead and I know I will get there.
I am looking more for feedback on how to handle the small issues that comes up in a relationship. I would like some opinions and help with addressing my issues and not letting my past control my future.

(C) Husband 39 (A) Wife 39 (K) Girlfriend 40
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 03:16 PM.