Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #30  
Old 03-20-2012, 07:50 PM
LusciousLemon LusciousLemon is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Detroit Metro, MI
Posts: 26
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
This. And the strength of her reaction say to me that perhaps she's had these thoughts and/or feelings and rejected them. Perhaps it's too close to home and that's why she's mad.
Often the things that bring out the most emotion in us in regards to those we love is the things that we dislike about ourselves. If she has been feeling true guilt, self-hatred, anything like that for "daring to love someone else, especially a woman" and having an "emotional affair" (I hate that phrase) then you bringing up to her the idea that you've been feeling these things to and it shouldn't be a bad thing may anger her more. It may make her feel like "I've done the "right thing" here in fighting this, why can't he do the same?" I disagree, I don't think either of you should have to fight it, but I can see that being her thought process.

When you brought it up, did you happen to focus on how happy you'd be if she felt the same way about said friend? She may be afraid that you love said friend but wouldn't be super happy about her doing so as well. I think it may (potentially) be easier if she realized that what you're thinking is more a triangle (triad) not a V with you in the middle emotionally. Acknowledging that HER feelings about your friend are at least as important and exciting as your own may go a long way if you can do so without it seeming like you're pushing the issue. Also, you may have to take into account her upbringing, her religious beliefs, and her general thoughts about homosexuality, because those could flavor her own guilt and reactions about her feelings for your friend.
__________________
Me: 30ish bi Female S: mid 20s bi MtF transsexual (presurgery)
Our Kids: D 8 yrs, boy (Mine only from prior relationship); T 2 yrs, boy; A under 1, boy

Living and Developing a relationship with L: 30ish bi Female and her husband B: mid 20s bi Male
Their Kids: Little L 3 yrs, boy, R nearly 2yrs, girl, Due November 2012

Favorite Poly thought (if you recognize help me find the source): Jealousy is not a disease, it is a symptom. To "cure" it you must identify the disease.
Reply With Quote
 

Tags
triad, unicorn, unicorns

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:52 PM.