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Old 03-20-2012, 07:29 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Originally Posted by Chaz View Post
We are in the clear now emotionally and the marriage feels strong.
Originally Posted by Chaz View Post
I told her this in a long letter last night and was just yelled at on the phone for about a half an hour about how she can't make me happy because making others happy is impossible and that my writing the letter was a plea for pity, and who wants to have sex with someone who just feels sorry for themselves anyways. What she says is that I'm just trying to ruin her fun.
I'm sorry dude, but your statements are contradicting each other. In a relationship that's emotionally "in the clear" one partner doesn't spend a half an hour yelling at the other for trying to express a problem. I've blown up at my partner once or twice and felt like an ass and apologized, but there's a big difference between a brief emotional outburst and a sustained, belittling rant, which is what it sounds like you endured.

Your envy is extremely reasonable. If she doesn't want to try to heal your sexual relationship, and doesn't want to pull back on things with her lover during this rough time, well, that's a big shame. But to hold those stances AND to insist that you not have the same outlet that she has by having a partner locally? What the hell? What is the possible rationale?

What were you two thinking when you made this agreement? What is she thinking that she won't let it bend now that it's obvious it's not working?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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boundaries, envy, jealous, jealousy, negotioations

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