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  #21  
Old 03-14-2012, 04:07 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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Ugh. Today's been tough. I wrote a story based on the situation, and that made me feel better, but I've fallen behind on work and that's stressing me.
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  #22  
Old 03-19-2012, 06:54 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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I'm talking to her tomorrow night - it doesn't seem it will be good based on her not telling me anything yet, but I'll be okay. Thanks for the support, and I'll let you know how it goes!
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  #23  
Old 03-20-2012, 04:48 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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A final post:

We talked it all over. She decided it wouldn't work. She wants to be with him and sees polyamory more as a want than as a need, at least right now. She promised me that if it ever becomes a need she will ask him to deal with it and he will, but right now she doesn't feel the drive to have someone other than him. He makes her very happy, they're partners in the truest sense of the word, and she quelled all my fears about her relationship with him.

She also told me that despite her calm in front of me, she cried when she got home after our first talk. She just doesn't cry in front of people because of her past. It made me feel secure to know this hit her almost as hard as it did me.

I feel at peace. That this is her choice and that *she* feels more or less at peace about it is really important to me and makes it more final and easier for me to move onward and upward.

I asked her to tell me if anything changes with regards to her needs or if her relationship ends and she wants to date again. Then if I still have feelings, we can try something.

Otherwise, radio silence for now, until I stop missing her and until I can go a whole day without thinking about her. Then, slowly, friendship. Yoga together so I can work on tolerating her presence without getting tense or feeling conflicted - focusing on myself more than on our interaction, but just being with her.

Reminding myself of the few things I don't find amazing about her - her insecurities about her body, her insistence on following "hippie" practices she doesn't really believe in, her flightiness / fear of commitment (just less so with her current boyfriend) - these things will all make me feel better about not getting to be with her.

I met a really great girl tonight, and I'm going to ask her on a date. It will be a good start. Far better than that, I got a new kitty today. I didn't know I'd be getting him until yesterday afternoon, and I got an email about a kitty needing a home and I thought about it for about fifteen minutes and just said, "Yes." He's one of the best kitties I've ever been around - purring, playing, cuddling, and he's FLUFFY. It will help fill this hole.
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  #24  
Old 03-20-2012, 05:14 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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oh, GOOD. I'm so glad to hear you have some peace around this.

And a floofy kitteh! yay! Good actions, nurturing actions, way to go!
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  #25  
Old 03-20-2012, 05:16 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
oh, GOOD. I'm so glad to hear you have some peace around this.

And a floofy kitteh! yay! Good actions, nurturing actions, way to go!
And now, a calm glass of wine, and bed.
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A: Poly boyfriend since 9/17/13, currently sexually open and not seeing other romantic partners but open to such in the future
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  #26  
Old 03-21-2012, 02:11 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Ah, hugs.... Sorry it didn't work out, but I like your onward and upward way of dealing with it.
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  #27  
Old 03-23-2012, 08:00 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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Thank you.
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A: Poly boyfriend since 9/17/13, currently sexually open and not seeing other romantic partners but open to such in the future
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  #28  
Old 04-19-2012, 07:53 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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I just wanted to update you guys on how things are going. I miss her a lot. I haven't talked to her since about March 21st. It isn't soul-crushing, but it still hurts. I'm doing well, though. I'll give it a couple more months, maybe longer, then see about being friends again.
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A: Poly boyfriend since 9/17/13, currently sexually open and not seeing other romantic partners but open to such in the future
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  #29  
Old 04-20-2012, 05:38 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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I was wondering if the new thread was about this woman, or a new one.

Dr. Rain prescribes more floofy kittehs, more baths, and some spring daffodils. (though where you are, it's probably way past daffodil season)
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #30  
Old 04-20-2012, 07:20 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
I was wondering if the new thread was about this woman, or a new one.

Dr. Rain prescribes more floofy kittehs, more baths, and some spring daffodils. (though where you are, it's probably way past daffodil season)
Actually, I saw a daffodil yesterday. Thank you for the support.
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Me: 22-year-old female, cis and queer, have identified as poly for ~2 years, currently in my first committed poly relationship

A: Poly boyfriend since 9/17/13, currently sexually open and not seeing other romantic partners but open to such in the future
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