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  #11  
Old 03-16-2012, 07:39 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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DH, I am omniscient and I know everyone's employment and work schedules! No I am saying if there isn't a problem, it doesn't really matter what their work schedule is. I am not sure how much more clear I can be about that.

I gave several hypothetical relationships possibilities where schedules are built on availablilty. OP has an actual schedule, not a hypothetical one, so yes, I object to your blanket statement that it was not fair or equal.

Lol DH you crack me up with the PM.

Yes, obviously I totally think if Legs had a wedding, a funeral, a birthday on a Sunday, she should refuse to change her plans and attend, since she has a date, obviously that is how compromise and negotiation works for poly right? Obviously she'll have to make sure not to schedule THEIR wedding if they have one someday on her date night with somebody else, cause that would be very inconveniencing! Blah, you need a good walloping!
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  #12  
Old 03-16-2012, 07:49 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Crap.... I didn't know of your extraordinary gifts. I bet thats really cool at parties

Sorry ...didn't want to rush you but I have be somewhere


YEAH ...you did give some hypothetical.....did you just admit it ...thanks ...got go now ....THANKs again .. it take a big girl to admit that ...nice job
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  #13  
Old 03-16-2012, 07:51 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Forum days like this are the only sort of days where I think it's be nice if I was a sadist but end up feeling like one hell of a masochist instead!
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Last edited by Anneintherain; 03-16-2012 at 07:55 PM.
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  #14  
Old 03-16-2012, 08:46 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kemie View Post
He'll probably find this and read it. I considered changing my screenname, but he'll likely hunt it up anyway. This is, as far as I know, unusual behavior from Legs stemming from insecurity in the relationship. It's odd for him to breach my privacy like this...

So my question is: how do I pre-empt this kind of behavior? I feel as if I'm repeating myself every time he gets frustrated and upset. Looking for some help here.
This is a public forum. No privacy to breach, really. This forum is searchable in Google, so if you want to keep things private here, you either disguise all details and use aliases no one would ever guess. Either that or you blog somewhere that gives you the ability to approve who is able to view it.

If you feel like he crossed a line and is being a bit overbearing or possessive in trying to find out what you're doing, you two should have a heart-to-heart. That being said, I don't think it's such a bad thing to let him in on your thought processes. You say you pretty much live together.

To address the primary/secondary nomenclature, you don't have to use those terms. But I know some people just use them for simplicity's sake in explaining who's who, although they'd never actually think of any lover as secondary.
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  #15  
Old 03-19-2012, 05:10 PM
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Kemie Kemie is offline
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Anne and DH:

Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
No what? you don't know the employment or work schedules. or no it's not a hypothetical.

Again ...you took issue with my phrase building a hypothetical...which I used because you inserted a set of facts (if one partners works and the other doesn't) which I missed in the op.

What about the other 2 questions?
Okay so to get rid of the hypothetical, Legs- who I can see Sunday evenings through Saturday mornings, has an entirely open schedule. He does work, but he makes his own hours and doesn't have to take time off or PTO or anything like that. He often spends the weekends on trips. If he wants me for a weekend, he tells me in advance and I confirm it with Wolf. We do take trips from time to time.

Wolf has a very strict schedule and works long hours. He also lives in a different city. This is why I schedule Saturday and Sunday to him. It is impossible to see him during the week.

I do very much feel like I have two primary relationships; I think I just haven't been labeling it correctly. I thought if time is specifically deferred to one person... well it doesn't matter because I was wrong, and I feel better about changing the classification.

Neither of the men has asserted displeasure about the current time schedule.

As an update: My discussion with Legs was a very good one. I feel like a lot was sorted out and I was feeling better, too. I definitely had issues with his love for this other woman WHEN I THOUGHT HE WAS MONOGAMOUS. Because to be with her, he would leave me. Naturally, I didn't want this. However, he feels as if he loves us both, which removes me anxiety. I would be very happy for him to gain more love for someone else.

I've also had to live with the situation of if he found something more stable, he would leave me. If he doesn't have to leave because he finds someone more compatible for monogamy, then I'm definitely feeling more secure. Yesterday was my one-year Anniversary with Legs. He has gone on a trip to the east coast and will be back tomorrow.

nycindie: I know it's a public forum, and I really don't mind him reading it. It was the fact that he went through my e-mail-I believe I left it open on the computer, found the forum, and searched my name. I'm really not upset about it; he was curious, and as I said it's irregular behavior. Thanks for that last line: you're right, I DON'T think of him as secondary, but I like the ease of the terminology.
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Last edited by Kemie; 03-19-2012 at 05:14 PM.
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